


Take a Chance on Me

by Katyasmattel



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Christmas Party, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Relationship, Lesbian Sex, Smut, Useless Lesbians, abbasongs, rpdr, toptrixie, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katyasmattel/pseuds/Katyasmattel
Summary: When Trixie meets Katya at a work party, Katya is immediately drawn to her but Trixie can’t shake the fact she’s almost 10 years older. Katya insists she can be in a serious relationship but Trixie is still skeptical no matter how attractive she finds her. Basically I took ABBA songs and made a Trixya story.  So a completely different twisted lesbian spin off of Mamma Mia I guess. Except nothing to do with Mamma Mia at all.
Relationships: Shea Couleé/Sasha Velour, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 13
Kudos: 51





	1. Does your mother know?

You’re so hot teasing me, so you’re blue but I can’t take a chance on a kid like you. 

The party wasn't as mundane and professional as Trixie thought it would be. The venue Sheas team had booked was extravagant, slick and stylish with monochrome walls intricately decorated with rustic light fixtures, the picturesque setting looking like it was plucked straight from any trendy New Yorkers Instagram. She'd expected nothing less of course, and she couldn't help but think the place really reflected the company style and brand very well, the team had done a great job. However, while the team itself, the designers and the models and of course Shea were overall a warm group this was a work event and they were putting on the vapid ere of glamour that came with the fashion industry in Manhattan order to fit in. It was a wonder she was even invited, the makeup artists who worked on the shows were never usually included in such exclusive events but she supposed being friends with Shea did help a little, guess it really is who you know that gets you into places like this. 

She didn't really fit in, but she tried her best. When she got the invite and the information the party would have a theme she'd already planned out the most fashion forward costume she could find in order to blend with the perfectly proportioned models with their inhumanly smooth skin and intricately curled hair. With it nearing December, Shea had decided the theme would be 'Christmas extravagancy' and assigned everybody a role to play for the night. She was both delighted and surprised when she had been told she was the Angel. Which ironically was also what her mother had called her when she was a child. A perfect little angel. Maybe it was her honey blonde hair or her sweet voice, but she'd never really seen it herself, she didn't feel like angel that's for sure. 

She'd explained her unease about being around the epitome of perfection to her to friend, but she assured it was a laid back event and no one would think she looked out of place. When she'd finally got the party in a beautiful holographic white sparkling dress and a tinsel halo that she'd made herself thank you very much but still looked impeccable, she mingled amongst the others watching oddly glamorous Christmas elves and even a sexy reindeer. It was all very Victoria secret runway, eight ft tall glamazons strutting in 7 inch heels jingle bells tinkling as they stepped. 

She actually found to her surprise she was having a good time which was a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time, and was something she appreciated. Ever since her split with Dela a few years ago she didn't think she was ready to be in normal social situations (if you could call this very high brow glamorous party a normal social situation) it always felt as if something was missing like she was disconnected thinking about how alone she was. Now though she'd gotten back on her feet, even had a few hookups and one proper date which went fine as far as she was concerned and was working at an established fashion company with all of these gorgeous people. For now she could feel content. She was almost thirty so she was a little concerned that all of her friends her age had settled down, got husbands and children but she'd always told herself that it didn't matter, as long as she felt fulfilled by something she was doing she was winning. At at this point in her life, she was. 

After circling for a while she made her way over to chat with her colleague and college roommate Kim who was still secretly detesting Shea for making her attend as an elf. As she approached however the woman narrowed her eyes and took another sip of her drink aggressively. She'd heard from Naomi she'd wanted to be the Angel too so it was evident that Trixie wasn't in her good books, or on her nice list for that matter either. Deciding maybe to give her some space, she instead made the decision to go over the sleek bar situated in the middle of the space. Even the bartender was gorgeous, wasn't anyone in Manhattan below at least an eight?! 

"Gin please". She placed her purse down on the bar top, leaning over and pointing at the pretty pink bottle on display among the spirits. The strikingly handsome man nodded and gave a smirk which she assumed if she was into men would've made her smitten before grabbing a glass with a wink. Probably how he'd gotten the job, charmed his way into a party full of gorgeous women with that sparkle in his eye. She imagined him going home and texting his friends about the 'hot pieces of ass' he'd flirted with all night. He looked like that kind of guy, she thought. The type to put on a pretty smile and get girls to sleep with him, forgetting their names in the morning as they traipse out of his apartment in last nights dress, or reindeer outfit she guessed. She didn't dwell too much though because soon a baby pink, glittery drink scattered with strawberries that looked like plastic they were so fresh was placed in front of her. Sometimes she kicked herself for being such a stereotype, people being able to read her like one of the many vintage barbie magazines she had at home, but other times, like in this instance she like to play to her persona, it made people think they know exactly who she was, they could see she wasn't a threat from the start and instantly be comfortable. She could feel the makeshift tinsel halo on her head bobble above her a she looked back to the girls at the table, her eyes sliding over to Kim who was still busy sulking. She'd subsequently knew she wanted to be the angel deep down, but Trixie was assigned the role with the argument from Shea herself that the angelic woman couldn't possibly fit any other place. Again, her otherworldly deity aesthetic allowing her to press the imprint of her innocent and sweet personality harder into people's minds. 

Kim sat sipping the auburn liquor, red painted lips curled downwards into a scowl. The image itself made the blonde giggle actually, Kim's rosey cheeks and pointy ears looking over the top of a crystalline glass that she'd seen people like mobsters on tv use. She looked like some bitter old women who'd been working her job at the mall for a million years, sick of the kids and their remarks about how she wasn't as important as Santa himself, driven into day drinking and taking photos with screaming kids who wondered why she smelt funny. Trixie liked to do that, look at an image of someone, weather it be a random person on the street or a picture of someone on Instagram and make up a whole back story, how old they were what kind of voice they had what their trials and tribulations were. She'd done it since she was a child, even for herself a multitude of times, hating who she was that much that she'd make up a whole new persona for herself so she wouldn't have to live in her own headspace. Would it be Barbara? A fun loving beach bunny who modelled for vogue, had an impeccable tan and never went anywhere without her sunglasses. Or maybe Stacy? A world famous country icon who could charm anyone with a melody and a sentiment from the heart. The list went on, grew and changed as she got older but none of them ever left. She incorporated all the best parts of each girl she'd created and done her best to embody them and just be Trixie, and it worked pretty damn well. 

Seeing Kim like that actually brought her back the god awful Christmas of '04 when she had actually had to do something similar. Shed worked at a stand giving children face paintings, making them up as fairies or reindeer the little devils refusing to stay still. She'd never really been fond of children, sometimes she'd flat out refuse to believe she'd ever been on herself, but really those memories were something she could never forget and not for the good reasons. 

As the bartender slid the strawberry coloured glass over the hard wood surface, she opened her clutch to retrieve the bills only to be stopped by a hand on top hers preventing her from getting them out of the sparkling white purse. "I'll get it, and uh I'll have a shot of tequila". The woman's voice was rough but somehow assuring as Trixies eyes slid onto her observing the cocky smile, probably made even more so by the fact she had perfect teeth and most certainly knew it. 

She was shorter than Trixie by a few inches, but that didn't really seem like it mattered to her as she stared directly into her eyes with an undoubtable air of confidence. Her platinum hair was styled to fall just above her cleavage one side falling over one of her cutting cheekbones. Trixie immediately got the urge to pull it, just to hear what sound would come out of her, she imagined she would whine but not wantonly more or a gutteral sound. Damn she was hot, and very interested in Trixie it seemed. Suddenly she became very aware of the temperature of the room, and felt the back of her neck and her cleavage start to sweat. The clearly very focused women honed in on it and stole a glance and then another, almost like she was transfixed on the way it beaded on her creamy skin. She was, in a trance that is, for a couple of seconds she just wanted to lick it off bury her face deep into her chest. She involuntarily even lent forward a few millimetres before she caught herself and looked back up to Trixie who cheeks were now a deep shade of pink. Thank god for this extravagant makeup. 

The colour of her eyes was what really struck Trixie though.They were the brightest shade of blue she ever thought that could be naturally possible on a human being, flecks of silver reflecting in them even with the multicoloured Christmas lights that hung on the bar. She was undoubtedly younger though, she had to only be at least in her early twenties, her face fresh with adolescence and naive excitement . "It's okay I can pay for it" she told her trying not to show how much the sensation of her fingers brushing against her skin made her breath hitch. "No no, can't have someone who works so hard all day doing gods work paying for her own drinks" she smirked handing over the bills to the man who was also giving her a look up and down, but she payed absolutely no attention to him not breaking eye contact with Trixie not even for a second.Usually that would've made Trixie uncomfortable, but she acted like they were old collage buddies and she was picking up her tab and it made her sort of endearing. Trixie was confused for a split second until she caught on, looking down at the white dress that swirled around her hips that she's so meticulously planned and picked out. 

"Think of it as my way of giving back, a thanks for all your good work" she carried on. She seemed to get closer by the second and Trixie couldn't help but notice the way her lip dipped slightly where she must be biting it. Trixie bet she tasted tequila and mint. "Well thank you..I'm sorry I don't think I know your name" she told her now regaining her own sense of confidence as she stood a little taller . Both of their hips dug into the bar as they lent against it barely 3ft apart. However as Trixie pushed up to stand at full height she didn't miss the way katya tucked her chin in slightly and peeked up though her lashes. "Katya. And you are very welcome angel". She stepped a little closer as she spoke. Trixie could smell her perfume now, all lavender and cotton making a welcome change to the orange and cinnamon that's been a constant scent as soon as November 1st arrived. As soon as Farrah had bought in that candle to the office she knew the smell would be giving her headaches for the next month. She didn't particularly like Christmas as it is. Christmas's in the Mattel household as a kid always ended with someone getting hurt, usually her so she'd blocked most of those memories long ago and never really registered the holiday. That is except for for the years with Dela, she loved Christmas and all things festive so being bombarded with tacky lights and festive cheer was something she's learned to have to tune out. 

"Trixie" the blonde told her looking ahead placing a hand on her hip as to try and give the illusion she was control. "No.." she replied not wiping that smirk from her red stained lips. "No? What do you mean no?". She looked at her dumbfounded, the way this girl seemed so innocent and shy one moment but then cocky and unapologetic the next drew Trixie into every word. Usually she made judgments on people very quickly when she met then, and usually she was right. She had impeccable instinct. Or rather just realistic view on the way the world worked, but she couldn't get a read on this particular one. She seemed scattered, non linear and a little cooky. She liked it, it was different, especially in a room full of blasé super serious model types. 

"I think Angel fits you just fine" the woman explained picking up the hem of her dress and playing with the glitter on the bottom, her short red painted nails dancing over the seam. They seemed to glide over the material like the gesture had been etched into her muscle memory, knowing every thread and stitch pattern and the way it felt against her fingers. 

However it faded after a couple of seconds and she focused again on Trixies body as her eyes ran up over the fabric, travelling the expanse of her image before sliding to meet the deep brown colour of her eyes once again. The older blonde had always hated the colour of her eyes, a basic brown. She'd always wished she had bright eyes to match her hair, pretty much everything about her aesthetic actually. Her eyes were the one thing that didn't match her whole Barbie front she like to present. None of the girls she admired growing up including barbie had brown eyes, they all had beautiful green or blue eyes that people would get sucked into and mesmerised by, but right now Katya was staring at them so hard she felt as if she was looking into her soul. For a second she was afraid she could detect her nerves, find out her secret that she wasn't really supposed to be here, but the blush rose in Trixies cheeks again as her lashes fluttered. She was looking at her like she was starving and this tall blonde angel was the first meal she'd encountered in a week, but she didn't falter as her next words came. "Come sit and have your drink with me". Trixie looked into her expression raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to one side. Katyas eyes flew to the newly exposed flesh as she stuck her tongue out to wet her lips, she could see her veins pulsing and she wanted nothing more than to sink her teeth into her flesh and sooth it with her tongue. Maybe even leave her lipstick all over her she would look even prettier with red lipstick marks all over her. It would made a beautiful photograph actually, she thought. In this moment though, Trixie had remembered that she was the one with the power, she was older she was more experienced and she wasn't about to give in to some horny kid because of one look. She observed her up and down scanning over her little clearly custom made Santa outfit, complete with the stupid hat perched on top of her head. Guess knowing a designer really does have its perks, especially right now as she observed how the neckline dug into her boobs pushing them up slightly. She looked incredibly cute, her curls and tutu bouncing as she fidgeted, but she was so young why was she flirting with Trixie of all people at this A list event. This party was full to the brim with flawless models probably way closer to her age. Did she think she had money? Did she see her talking to Shea and want a modelling job? 

"What are you like sixteen? Does your mother know you drink?" She finally let out with a giggle taking a delicate sip of her gin. 

Katya seemed a little taken back by the comment, but she could see she wasn't the type to give up. She knew already this girl wasn't going to back down easily with the way she raised an eyebrow as if accepting the challenge. Trixie had always enjoyed a challenge and maybe some flirting was what she needed. Besides the girl staring at her relentlessly seemed to want to entertain the idea. "Twenty one actually" she told her with bright eyes lifting her shot in front of Trixie's glittering face as if that was some kinda proof. Her tone came out like a petulant child trying to convince her mother that she was absolutely old enough to stay out for the night, that she could be trusted. Immediately Teixies stomach turned, god she was a kid, Trixie was almost thirty she couldn't have a drink with her. Before she just hid in the possibility she was older and just looked young but she really was barely even an adult. She cursed herself for the thoughts that had been running around her brain up until this moment. "I think I might be a little old for you sweetheart . I'm twenty nine" she laughed but her expression didn't shift. Katya almost hated the way sweetheart had affected her, but she tries not to let it show as not to openly drool over the woman. "I don't care, you're hot. Age ain't nothing but a number to me" she tells her matter of factly struggling to push those last words out with her throat going dry. The fire in her eyes burned against the blue as Trixie considered her offer. The woman guessed having a drink wouldn't hurt, something about the way her lips wrapped around continents in delicate shapes and how she smiled with those perfect teeth every time she'd make a joke made Trixie want to keep conversation with her even if it was just for mundane chatter. However she somehow already knew it wasn't going to be that way at all. 

There's that look in your eyes. I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild. 

As they sat down, the Christmas music played around them at full volume which normally Trixie would be swaying to and miming along with but right now she was a little preoccupied. This was of course because the younger blonde immediately shifted closer brushing her legs against Trixies. The stretchy material of her thigh highs brushed against her tights, the thin material not hiding one bit how hot both of them were. Katya watched Trixie lift the glass up with delicate fingers, perfectly poised despite the growing need to pull Katya onto her lap with the way she bounced into the seat at looked up at her with doe eyes. "So how do you know Shea?" Trixie asked. She thought she'd start by making safe conversation to try and still the fluttering in her stomach. She took another sip of her sickly sweet drink to help calm herself watching how her eyes followed her (for once) nude coloured lips. "She's helping me to sell my art, in return I'm helping produce the spring collection" the blonde tells her proudly.  
So she wasn't a model, an artist or fashion designer, maybe both. 

"I'm the driving force that creates the sketches for the clothes behind scenes while she's out kicking ass and bringing them to life. She also does all the fittings and of course the shows. I'm her Mrs Clause, I work mainly in the workshop and she delivers all of it to the children" she explained waving her hands about conveying her metaphor. Trixie liked her confidence, not arrogant but clearly proud of her work. She was clearly a very animated person, like to show exactly how she felt through her movement as well as her words, to some she imagined it being a little overbearing for for some reason the energy just ramped Trixie up even more. That also explains why Trixie hadn't seen her before, if she had she most defiantly would of remembered. She only rarely came into the office when she was she had meetings about look they were going for on the models in relation to the makeup, she never went into the workshop where they made the prototypes for the clothes. She was only ever on the one specific floor I'm her office or in a meeting room or at the shows themselves for the main event. It was also evident that this was Katyas first time with the company so she hadn't expected she'd be familiar with everyone here. 

"Well that explains the costume". Katya smiled looking down at the poofy skirt griping the hem and flapping it swinging her legs over the seat. God she was adorable how was she going to hold back for even another minute? . Trixie smirked moving the bobble on her hat flicking it out of her face. "Doesn't that mean that you're loyal to the big man though, being his wife and all". She decided to further the unspoken challenge as she bantered, giving a wink towards Shea dressed in a similar outfit to Katya except the skirt is replaced with a slim pair of red pants. The smirk on Trixies lips was so patronising and suddenly Katya felt herself get wet, her thighs suddenly becoming uncomfortable on the leather seats. She prayed to every god in that moment she wouldn't leave a patch on it. "I'm sure he won't mind, he's so busy all year that I barely see him, and showing my appreciation to the other big guy up there by treating the angels right, especially you isn't a crime right?" She joins in placing a hand on her thigh making the heat between Trixies legs grow at the contact. Katya seemed content with that response as she pushed further seeing she was slowly cracking. She squeezed a little at her creamy flesh and the blondes toes twitched inside her heels. They both laughed lowly still holding eye contact, Trixie noticing the way Katya was biting the inside of her cheek before she registered that their faces had become closer and they were now inches apart. Katya was soaking by this time and she couldn't stand the way Trixie was keeping complete composure.Trixie could see the younger girl shuffling in her seat pressing her thighs together, her hands were becoming restless as she stared at Trixie with want swirling in her eyes, mingling with the sea foam colour making them a shade darker. 

She clearly wanted more than just a drink and the tension between them was unmissable but Trixie didn't think wanted to give her what she wanted right away, she wasn't even sure she could. There's no denying the precious blonde was incredibly attractive, and knows just how to push the right buttons, but she's basically a child and Trixie grew out of her wild one night stand phase a long time ago. However each breath she takes has her hanging on the next, she couldn't even feel the alcohol in her system anymore because it's like Katya was overpowering and dominating her senses, it made her weirdly but almost welcomely helpless. 

Katya darted her tongue out to wet her lips getting so close they brushed against Trixie's for a split second before the Angel gave her a smirk and she took another sip of her drink breaking the moment. Katya rolled her eyes and bit her lip taking a deep breath crossing one leg over the other towards Trixie. She was clearly getting herself worked up and Trixie wasn't even giving her anything, it made her want to scream. "You okay there?". Katyas fingers moved to wrap around Trixies glass just so she could steady herself. The older woman smirked, moving her face back a couple of inches to rake her eyes over her, it drove Katya positively crazy . "Let me kiss you" she breathed chasing her lips only to be stopped by a hand on her shoulder. The older woman's finger accidentally slipped under the strap of her top as the wrapped her fingers around her shoulder and the touch to Katyas skin made her situation even worse. 

Trixie pulled her glossed lip between her teeth trying to suppress how they were curling upwards while she shook her head, feeling Katyas hand move further up, higher on Trixies thigh. "Why not?" She could clearly see that look of lust mirrored in Trixies eyes bouncing and reflecting off hers, the woman couldn't hide it one bit and it was getting worse as she felt her hand playing at the top of her thigh highs. She didn't answer she just stared until Katya could take it anymore and pulled her up clasping their hands together and leading them away from the table. "I wanna dance" she told her abruptly, stringing the blonde along into the crowd, pulling their bodies together the sound of some cheesey pop now replacing the jingle bells. 

I can dance with you honey, if you think it's funny. 

Her hands flew around Trixies neck as she pulled her immediately closer. The music thumped around them as the lights flashed across their faces. Trixies arms instinctively wrapped around her waist squeezing the waistband of her skirt only making her move closer. They moved together, the beat dictating the speed of their hips as katya tutu bounced around her hips giving Trixie a glance at her underwear every once in a while. She practically drooled at the sight of her toned legs and her cute perky but. Obscene thoughts of having her over her lap and spanking it a nice shade of red flashed through her mind.  
Was she really doing this? Was she really letting herself do something so childish. The last time she met a girl at some party and danced so closely, grinding into each her was in college, but this girl was different in a way she couldn't describe. The woman watched as Katyas eyes moved down to the almost indecent amount of cleavage's Trixie's dress provided for a second before down to her waist scanning across the sparkled fabric examining the dips of her silhouette. "You're beautiful" she whispered in her ear her hands sliding into her curls either side of the headband holding up her halo. She bit her lip again her eyes sliding shut as she felt her breath intoxicate the air between them before Katya pulled back again, spun herself around and placed her hands on top of Trixies on her hip bones. The red chiffon of her skirt rubbed against the the tops of Trixie's thighs as her fingers grazed over her sharp hips squeezing a little. 

She knew she what she doing, she was trying to get her so worked up that she couldn't help but fall into her trap and she didn't want to admit it but she hated that it was working so well. She knew too well that her skirt was so short that it was just the thin tights between the lace of Trixies thong and her ass as she moved backwards rubbing into her. The girl even had the audacity to moan quietly as she moved their hands up slowly to her boobs making Trixie squeeze as she titled her head back. 

Trixie breathed heavily in her ear trying to control the heat rising as their skin glided together. The song came to and end and Katya had tuned back around and practically buried her face into Trixie's neck trying to get as close as possible. She moaned again against Trixies throat causing vibrations all the way down to her cunt as Trixies hands dropped to her ass and squeezed so hard her feet lifted of the ground a little. The sting on her skin made her hips jerk foward causing another spike of arousal settle at Trixies core as she decided she couldn't take it anymore. She really wasn't usually like this, so reckless and impulsive but this woman was hot, so hot, and it seemed she wanted Trixie just as much as she wanted her. 

She took Katyas hand, intertwining their fingers a mixture of white and red nail polish mingled together. She didn't know why but Trixie thought it kinda looked like a candy cain, she liked it, yeah that's what she liked about it. At least that's what she told herself in the moment because thinking that she just liked the way they fit together and how their fingers looked wrapped around one another's was ridiculous. The bustles of models and execs were merely just scenery at this point as she pulled the girl through the crowd and out of the fire exit so they were just outside the building. 

Better cool it girl, play it nice and slow.

As soon as the air hit her skin Trixie was thankful for it, it actually made her become aware exactly how hot she'd gotten in there. She'd thought maybe the biting November air would be to much but actually it was quite welcome on her flushed face. She took a deep breath as it grazed her skin calming the redness of her cheeks. At least she hoped it would. Before she could worry about that though she pushed Katya up against the brick wall, her body slamming against it realising a mixture between grunt and a whimper from her. She immediately raised her arms above her head tipping her expression upwards showing her the expanse of her neck letting her know she was there completely for the taking. It drove Trixie insane as she crowded against her the two of them breathing the same air. Their lips were centimetres away from each other as they stared into each other's eyes the both of them waiting for someone to close the gap. Katya of course lurched forward first but Trixie once again pulled back smirking at her. She was playing with her, testing her to see how bad she wanted it. Katya huffed at Trixie as she moved a hand up to secure Katyas wrists above her head so she couldn't pull her in before moving closer again. Then for a second time she stopped just short of her as Katya dipped her head again with a whine. "Please" she whispered her feet shuffling as she struggled to stay still with the growing need for friction. Trixie made a mental note that she liked seeing her like this, both inside when she tried to kiss her at the table practically bouncing in her seat and in this moment her hips wiggling and pushing up of off the wall. She imagined what she might look like tied to Trixie's bed, spread out and helpless the same noises spilling from her chest. The same glaze of her eyes as she would became desperate was something that make her spine tingle and the tips of her fingers numb. "Shh slow down baby". Katya shivered at the name and how she trailed a finger over her prominent cheek bone as of she was trying to etch it into her mind by tracing the lines of her face. The woman let it drift over her lips before down to her collar bone, her eyes following the invisible trail. Once it reached the small amount of cleavage she had her chest pushed up instinctively trying to get her to touch her like she'd done on the dance floor. "You're so gorgeous" Trixie told her causing a light smile to appear on Katyas lips. 

Katya hadn't really been with a lot of women before sure she'd hooked up with a few girls in high school and had one girlfriend, but she'd been with Trixie for less than an hour and she'd never experienced this kind of...she didn't even know to describe it...care?....interest? Every girl she's been with before had only ever seen her as a sex toy, including her last girlfriend. Actually one of the multiple reasons they broke up. But no one was ever careful with her, asked her what she wanted for looked at her like that. They were only ever interested in how many times she could make them cum, she knew she was somewhat attractive, that other girls thought she was hot , so the hot piece of ass is what she thought she was, something to look at and get off on not to go anywhere deeper. She was confused why didn't she just want to get to it, to fuck her and leave like the rest of them did. This was different, she was careful, slow and it brought her world crashing down before she'd even kissed her. 

"So cute, and sexy. You've been driving me crazy all night. Touching me under that table, such a bad girl. Someone might've seen" she carried on. That thought only caused another whine to rise in Katyas chest. Trixie so close to her was making her vision blur, she could see little bits of edible glitter from her drink on her tongue and she wanted to suck it off. Trixie leaned in again only to pull back when Katya chased her. She even laughed at her this time and it made a rush of wetness stain her thong at the embarrassment. Katya got more and more frustrated her lip started to quiver. "Stop teasing" she managed. Trixie had to look twice but yes, she really had just stamped her foot like a five year old. Trixie just laughed again at her, it made Katyas insides and cheeks burn. "Tri-". She didn't have chance to finish her sentence because Trixie grabbed her jaw her lips smushing together like a fish as her blunt nails held her in place. "Shush Katya. Now..." Trixie removed her hand now cupping her cheek letting her thumb brush over the freckles that she could see poking out of her foundation. She imagined they were a lot more prominent in the summer, gave her a beautiful glow in the heat. She let the hand holding up her wrists intertwine and hold one of katays before she continued. "I'm gonna kiss you. Are you going to be a good girl and stop being bratty?". Katyas eyes rolled in her head at those words. Whenever she'd been with girls before she was the one doing all the work, getting no payoff no intimacy like this, it made her mind melt. She managed to nod and verbalise her answer before Trixie leaned in and finally pressed their lips together. The heat exposed in her stomach as she bit her bottom lip and dragged it outwards a little watching the way it sprung back into place before devouring her again. She was right, tequila and mint however she was evidently a smoker, because there was defiantly a whiff of cigarettes too. She didn't mind it though as she carried on exploring her mouth. Trixie moved the hand from her face and down to her boobs squeezing tightly as she pushed her further into the wall and dipping her head down into her neck. Katya could barely hold herself up she was so turned on by the way Trixie was already leaving marks on her. 

She rolled her hips up into Trixie who slotted a knee between her legs so she could grind down and finally get the friction she needed. The older blonde released her wrists without even thinking about it she was kissing her with so much vigour and Katyas hands immediately found her hair. The younger legs were getting weaker and weaker and she practically collapsed in Trixies grip. Her strong hands flew to under Katays thighs and she picked her up wrapping her legs around her as they continued to make out. "Mmm you- uh- do you- wa mm- wanna come back to my place?" Katya got out between kisses. Trixie pulled back, the moment being broken with the guilt on her chest. 

She really liked this girl, a lot. But she still couldn't shake the fact she was almost 9 years older than her, her life was just beginning and Trixie really wasn't the one to be having one night stands any more. She couldn't help but get emotionally attached once she had sex with someone. There'd been girls in high school she'd slept with even then she expected something more, which had only left her in pain. She couldn't help it. When she gave herself to someone she wanted them to give it back, hookups were never really her strong suit. She certainly couldn't ask that of Katya, to be serious at her age. When she was twenty one sure she didn't sleep around much, but the idea of been shackled to another person having that kind of responsibility wouldn't been an absolute no chance. 

"Katya.."she trailed off putting her down trying the regain her breath. "Yeah?" She looked up at her innocently, it broke Trixie's heart that she was going to have to tell her she really couldn't give her what she wanted. "Can I uh...be straight with you for a second?". 

"Ew no chance" she retorted trying to mask her unsettlement with a joke. Trixie gave a look and carried on. "No I just...". She struggled to find the words and Katya immediately spoke. "Oh god you're not married are you? Don't say you're married. Are you? Are you married? Wait are you married to a man? Are you straight?. 

"No I'm not married" Trixie steadied her with a hand on her shoulder. "Okay...are you straight, because if you are you could've fooled me". 

"Ew no of course not. Gross". Katya seemed to relax more at that knowing it was none of the deal breaker type stuff.

"Alright then what?" She asked inquisitively. "I..I told you I'm almost thirty and you're barely even twenty" she let out looking at the floor beneath them. "I told you I don't care" she assured grabbing her hand. It grounded Trixie immediately as a deep breath revived her fast tightening lungs. "But..Katya. I'm not good at this whole hookup thing. I really like you, really like you..honestly like wow I've never been that tuned on in my life but I'm a point in my life where I don't wanna fuck once and drop it. I need commitment" she tells her. 

Katya seems to register the words and process them before nodding. "Then go on a date with me. You like me I like you why not?". That was not what she'd expected her to say at all. "What?".

"Go on a date with me" she repeated. Trixie looked at her stunned but she still couldn't bring herself to accept. "I can't, I'm not gonna ask you to for something like that whilst you're so young. You've got your whole life, you don't wanna be tethered to me" she told her. 

Katya argued with her for a while, Katya trying to convince her she's mature enough to be with a woman like her but there was no budging Trixie. They had agreed however to exchange numbers. If katya couldn't be with her, she still wanted to be friends if that was possible after this. She liked being around her, liked her jokes and her smile. Trixie had ordered her a car, said bye to Shea, kissed her passionately one last time before they parted ways and she watched the car with the most perfect women she'd thinks she'd ever met and just rejected down the street.


	2. Why did it have to be me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think..that you just came in here to tease me with that little skirt. You think that pushing me will help you get your way. I told you we can't" she released her with a push before continuing. "So stop it".

It's only natural, but why did it have to be me?

Trixie stared at her phone not being able to wipe the grin off of her face. She should really be scolding herself for acting like such a teenager and reading her texts with Katya from last night, but in the week they'd been messaging back and forth non stop she actually had come to realise exactly how funny and intelligent she was. Shit. Now she knew her a little more, there wasn't just mutual physical attraction and sexual tension that was off the charts, intellectual compatibility and an alike sense of humour was added into the cocktail of the forbidden fondness she had for her. She knew exactly the right words to use in any given situation, weather it was a profound remark or debate about an unexplainable aspect of human life, or a recount of her morning visit to her regular coffee shop. Which by the way Trixie had learned had a particularly delicious and intricate array of donuts that Katya had raved about more than once now. She'd even sent a picture one morning of a pink glazed creation dripping with little sugar flowers and edible glitter. 'Reminded me of you' she'd told her, which made Trixie's chest ache as she read it still half asleep wrapped in her covers just as the sun was coming up. The way she could just spurt expertly crafted sentences with little to no effort impressed her beyond belief. 

This particular conversation from last night revolved around the fashion industry and how it was so unnecessarily serious as it was, something they were both far too familiar with. Turns out Katya had the same opinion as her and thought the models we just as uptight and fatal as she did. 'Repressed, tragically beautiful girls who were forced to conform to the social stigma of women's beauty standards just to feel validated by the very men who created them in the first place' was how she'd put it actually. She'd said fashion should be creative, expressive and fun, it should tell you a story weather that's through clean lines and soft seams or ripped chiffon and battered tartan. 

She seemed to really thrive on anything creative actually, Trixie learned she went to art school for performance art and also did paintings along side it to earn her degree. Then she'd mixed the physical art of her shows, creating characters with over the top, out of the box personalities with the otherworldly sketches and illustrations and combined them into fashion design. That way she could design whatever she wanted no matter how weird and make it come to life like one of her characters. She loved it, but painting was here core passion, she'd told Trixie multiple times she'd been sketching since she was eight years old and had known she would never be fit for a normal office job after that. It was her escapism. All of that those hyperactive tendencies and build up energy had to be channeled into somewhere. 

She'd mentioned that last night. Then it was at that point she'd (Trixie knew on purpose) also told her sex was another way she liked to expel all of her pent up energy. Since that message, the conversation had moved inevitably into the tension filled electric state with Katyas navigation and into telling Trixie what she was thinking about when she got into bed that night, soaking wet after the party and imagining all the things Trixie would be doing to her if she had agreed to come home with her. Even that obscene fantasy Trixie had about spanking her pretty little ass had manifested its way into Katyas catalogue of reveries. She was doing it to wind Trixie up, the blonde knew that but it still didn't stop her from having to change her underwear after they'd said their goodbyes and she went to bed. 

It wasn't much better this morning either, all Trixie could think about as she sat in the meeting room what what she hadn't done that night. Countless dreamed up recollections of what she would've done. She'd decided to stay in the spotless stylish room with Kim after their production meeting with Shea. She knew if she went home she'd end up under her covers thinking about Katya with a vibrator pressed into her until she fell asleep and then she would never get these reference photos together. As she read on, laughing at Katyas jokes and biting her lip at her dirty confessions Kim caught onto her expression and raised an eyebrow. "Who are you talking to?" Her voice was heavy with curiosity. "What?" She replied not really paying attention, thinking it was just another comment on how they should change the cut crease so a smokey eye for some of the girls. "I've been watching you for like 5 minutes and you haven't looked up once and you've got a stupid smile on your face that I haven't seen since...well never mind but I know you're talking to someone". Typical Kim, ever since their college days she knew how to read Trixie better than anyone else and was always the last person who was afraid to confront her about it. She actually liked that about her though, she wasn't afraid to call her out on her bullshit, tell when she was being ignorant or damaging to herself. She was actually the one who made Trixie see that she was in a relationship that wasn't making her happy. She wasn't a very emotional person but sat with her through the crying and the intervention when she hadn't moved off of the couch in almost two weeks. She'd always been there for her and she knew she wouldn't never ever hurt her, and that was something she couldn't say for most people in her life.  
"I'm not talking to anyone Kimberly" she retorted moving her phone away from her, it was in this moment she wished she was still sulking and not talking to her so her cheeks didn't heat up so much. "Don't lie to me Beatrice, is this about why you suddenly disappeared at that party last week? Oh my god did you go home with someone?" Her voice was exited, she hadn't pushed Trixie on the possibility of going back into the world of women for a while now and she was happy she'd done it herself. Trixie couldn't hold back the smile, it was almost as if Kim's words were challenging her not to think about Katya and the more she tired not to the more those cherry lips could be felt on hers making her lipgloss tingle. She felt like a child telling her best friend about her first crush, it was ridiculous. "Oh my god you did! Who was it? Was it a model? Was it Pearl? Trixie did you get some hot model action? America's next top orgasm". Trixie laughed at her audacity and kept quiet until Kim pulled the phone from her fingers abruptly. She tried to snatch it back but it was no use Kim already saw. Her chest immediately tightened up and her cheeks flushed as Kim read the name of her contact slack jawed. It wasn't only the fact she knew who Katya was, Katya told her she'd met her at the party before she'd bumped into Trixie 'that stunningly miserable elf' she'd called her which made Trixie giggle in the dark of her room, it was the fact she'd put a flurry of pink hearts and stars next to her name that made her head fall onto the table. This was humiliating. "Oh.My.God. You fucked Sheas new partner? That hot blonde who every guy was practically chasing that night". Trixie willed her cheeks to cool as she looked back up at Kim finally snatching her phone back. "I didn't fuc- I didn't have sex with her" she mumbled now the one who was being petty with Kim and sulking that she'd had to explain herself. Even saying the phrase 'fuck her' made her feel wrong. She wasn't some object that Trixie was use and toss back into her beside draw, she was so much more than that. 

"What? Why not?" Kim had completely disregarded the photos now and had her full attention on Trixie who was looking out of the window to avoid eye contact. She caught sight of the snow that had fallen in the night and it reminded her of the trim of Katyas stupidly adorable little hat. God this had to stop. "Kim..she's twenty one". 

"So?".

"Sooo you know that I can't do one night stands. I get attached far to easily and I can't ask someone like her, at her age to even think about a long term relationship. Yes she's fucking hot, but we can't" she explained. "Did she tell you she was just looking for a hookup?". Kim watched her shake her head slightly. She knew it was the opposite, she told her she wanted to see her again even before the possibility of sex was on the table. She'd told her she was interesting and funny and she believed her. "No but I don't know if I can trust her, I mean at twenty one I wouldn't never considered being tied down". 

"Do you think she likes you for more than just the way you look?" She asked sincerely. She could see how much Trixie liked her so she had to make sure she wasn't just drunk that night and wanted sex and now was chasing Trixie for it. She couldn't let someone else let her down like that. "We've texted back and forth and yeah, we work really well together intellectually I think, the girl can talk and talk trust me. I like her a lot". 

Kim made the move to take her hand. Very uncharacteristic of her so this must be one of her serious moments. Whatever was going to come out of her mouth next would be important to her, enough to show affection. "Trixie, I know it's been hard these last few years, but you need to let yourself trust someone again. If you like this girl, and she says she likes you there's no harm in trying. Of course I understand she's young but if she says that she's mature enough and she likes you that much, maybe she'll stick around. It doesn't matter how old she is, as long as she cares". Kim let go as Trixie nodded and watched her stand up to gather papers. "Alright well I'm gonna head home, you coming?". Trixie shook her head still trying to process what Kim had said. She already felt herself getting attached and it scared the shit out of her, she needed some time alone to think. "Okay well call me if anything happens I wanna know". And with that Kim left her in the empty office room. 

I couldn't help it it had to be you. 

It was just nearing 4pm and it was already darker. Don't get it wrong, Trixie loved summer, the beach at Coney Island and waking around fifth avenue window shopping, pining after shoes she knew she'd never own. She thrived in short skirts and floaty tops, eating ice cream in Central Park with the sun giving her skin a pleasant tan. However, being in the office in the winter watching it get dark early, Manhattan lighting up, twinkling with luminescent billboards and the lights in the windows of the skyscrapers around her, it was beautiful and made her feel like she was in some kind of planetarium watching the stars. 

That's actually part of the reason she moved to New York in the first place. As a kid she loved the stars, and being from the country the sky was always clear, no pollution to obscure the view. They could always been seen. They were always there. Sometimes she'd sneak out of her room late at night and just lay on her back in the yard staring up at them for hours running her hands through the grass. Sometimes she'd lay there until they were snuffed out by the sun rising in the morning. They were just so beautiful, and mysterious something she could count on to be there for her. 

It wasn't quite dark yet but she could see the sky turning orange and burning that beautiful crimson colour. 

She watched how the beams poked through each building until she was interrupted by the door. She thought it might be Kim coming back once again, she always forgets something, but instead when she looked around she saw Katya beaming towards her. Her stomach dropped as she moved back in the chair. "What are you doing here?" She managed to push out as Katya walked around towards her. "I work here" she replies simply with a smirk. Trixie rolled her eyes and tried to regain composure. "No I mean what are you doing in here, shouldn't you be upstairs drawing up new designs?". Up until now she'd only been focused on her face, she hadn't even bothered to notice she had two cups of coffee and a paper bag in her clutches. She shrugged carelessly and walked behind Trixie and deliberately leaned over her shoulder to place her offerings in front of her. Trixie tensed up with her so close her boobs right next to her head. Katya noticed and smiled as she went on. "Late lunch? I brought donuts" she almost whispered on her way back up. She'd expected her to walk back in front of her so they could be face to face again but instead she stayed behind her and then Trixie felt hands on her shoulders. "I heard you've been here all day, thought you needed to relax and wind down a little". Ha! Relax? Yeah she could totally relax with Katays fingers digging into her shoulders making all of her muscles turn to jelly. She slid her hands down towards her waist before back up to her shoulders causing goosebumps to bloom across her skin. Her eyes slipped shut involuntarily for a second and her thighs twitched as she exhaled. The blonde felt her stomach heat up and her breathing quicken before she squirmed in her chair. "I have to work" she pushed out moving Katays hands away from her and as soon as she began it was over and she moved around to sit right next to Trixie on the table. "I'll help you then, what can I do?" She looked down at Trixie expectantly swinging her legs just like she'd done when she'd last seen her. 

It was only now that Trixie could take in her outfit. Last time she'd seen her she was wearing a costume, but now she got to witness her in her natural state or at least in work clothes. It was strange but she felt a little privileged, people who knew her of course got to see her like this all the time, but in a sense this was the first time she was really looking at her personal style as others did, and that made her feel like she was letting her in somehow. Her toned legs were on full show, like last time except they were covered with pretty embroidered sheer black tights with a sleek pair of heels. Trixie followed the pattern upwards until it reached the top of her tight leather skirt, accentuating the way her thighs filled it out. Trixie had to physically stop herself from placing a hand on her knee and opening her legs to see what kind of underwear she was wearing this time. Her eyes then shifted up to the white sheer shirt, watching the way the ruffles hung from her muscles. She hadn't really noticed how actually built she was last time, and even though she hadn't spoken much of her childhood she was sure the did some kind of sport. 

Katya smirked down at the way she was drinking her in as the crossed one leg over the other towards her, her calf brushing against her lightly only breaking into an innocent gaze when their eyes finally met. She felt herself get wet again under her scrutiny. "Oh I don't think so" she protested standing up to gain some sort of power. She couldn't stand the way Katya looked down on her. Now she was up at full height Katya shifted but didn't falter as she continued to look into her eyes. She also took in Trixie's outfit, a cute pink sweater that clung to her tits made katya want to grab and play with them, and a pair of clearly expensive trousers that cut in a the waist accentuated her hourglass figure with impeccable seams down each side. Katya wanted to run her fingers down them and trace her silhouette like she'd done moments ago when she same in until in was muscle memory like threading her needle or mixing colours. The only shade however she wanted to create now was the pink and red of their lipsticks. "Oh no waay I can help, I'm designing the line, I need to know what the makeup will look like" she argued. It seemed that bratty streak was showing again as she protested. It just made Trixie want to shut her up. Katya brought her gaze down and flicked through the pictures beside her swinging her leg so the skirt would ride up even more completely ignoring the stare burning into her skull from the older woman beside her. She swung her leg higher this time and brushed against trixies hip this time still not moving her expression from the pictures. God she was infuriating. 

Trixie couldn't take it as she moved closer to her placing a hand on her knee stopping the swinging and squeezing, Katyas chest moved irregularly as she whipped her expression around as the silence between them built. There was a look in Trixies eye that made her melt as she brought the other up into her hair and pulling on the strands. She could see that same tint of want in the sparkle practically blurring Katyas blue that she'd seen before as her lips parted slightly. "I think..that you just came in here to tease me with that little skirt. You think that pushing me will help you get your way. I told you we can't" she released her with a push before continuing. "So stop it". She knew this would happen, they could never be just friends. Being around Katya would never be calm small talk, there was too much of a pull but something in her loved to see the expression when she would get closer. "Why not?". 

"You know why not. Now get off the table" her voice was stern as she sat back down Katya immediately following her instruction. The blonde then moved to open the paper bag revealing that very same pink donut she'd shown her a couple of days ago. Trixie smiled down at is before picking it up to take a bite Katyas eyes not leaving her lips as they were costed with glaze and glitter. She wanted nothing more than for Trixie to devour her like that, to see how much she liked her taste. Her tongue darted out and she cleaned herself up before humming and nodding. "These are good though your were right, good job". Katya had to bite her lip to contain the moan that rose in her chest at that. However she was getting more and more frustrated by the second.

Baby believe me it's better to forget me.

"Trixie you're treating me like a kid" Katya whined. Why wouldn't she listen when she tells her she told her she doesn't care about their age gap? "Because you are a kid" she retorted rubbing her fingers together to try and rid of the icing before sticking one in her mouth and pulling it out with a pop. "No I'm not, I told you I can make my own decisions and I know I'm not very experienced with real relationships but I want you to let me try. I like you and I want you" Trixie sighed as she thought about what Kim had told her. Maybe she would stay if Trixie let her in, she could already feel herself becoming infatuated with her as it is but the more the thought about it, the more it terrified her. There was no guarantee she wouldn't just change her mind when she got bored, no guarantee she wouldn't want to leave when the heat died down. Trixie needed someone who was really ready to be serious and she just couldn't bring herself to trap katya like that. "Kat, I cant" is all she said. 

The anger rose in Katays chest as she went to grab her coffee accidentally knocking all of the papers onto the floor as they slipped under the table. She rolled her eyes at her clumsiness, crimson staining her cheeks as Trixie watched. "I'll get it" katya almost jumped bending down without thinking before Trixie could resist and getting on her hands and knees to retrieve the items. She was mad at Trixie but something in her made her desperately want to please her it was like a pull no matter how hard she told herself not to she just wanted to make her happy. And the little bit of praise she got from the donut treat only fuelled her need. Once she had them between her fingers she looked up at Trixie still down on the floor. God she looked good like that, Trixie thought. Looking up through her lashes, Trixie towering above her. It made Trixie want to pull down her trousers and shove her face into her so hard she couldn't breath. Katya then realised the position she was in and scoffed. That made Trixies insides boil, how she only just realised her compromising position after she got herself into it, she was so precious. "I'm leaving" Katya spoke sorting the papers out and placing them back on the table still crouched on the floor. "No you're not, you're gonna stay and talk to me". 

"Whatever you can't tell me what to do. You don't want me I got it" she spat.As Katya went to get up though Trixie placed a heel onto her shoulder and kicked her back so she fell backwards onto her ass. Trixie then sunk down from her chair to crawl over her. Katyas eyes crossed at the sudden action Trixies face hovering above her, her hair hanging down acting as almost a shield from the rest of the world. "You will not disobey me do you understand?" Her voice was dominant and strong and it made Katya involuntarily shiver. Trixie was brining out this whole new side of her she didn't know existed and it thrilled her beyond belief. Her body was having reactions to things she hadn't before, it was all new. She wanted more so she decided to push further. She seemed to catch on that the more she resisted the more Trixie would put her in her place, and the feelings that erupted from her made her see stars. "Why? You're not my girlfriend we aren't even dating remember?" Trixies eyes darkened as she inhaled. Her hand snakes around Katyas neck and she squeezed watching her lips part and her eyes flutter.   
The blonde cursed herself for being so weak before pressing her lips down hard into her Katyas hands immediately flying to Trixies ass. A low moan escaped that Katya swallowed as she got her wish their lipsticks melding into a pinky scarlet colour. After minutes Trixies let go of her throat and lifted her head up and stared into katays eyes. Her pupils were blown out wide and her breaths were coming out in shallow bursts. She looked like a wild animal, ready to pounce she was so responsive and easily worked up, Trixie loved it. She carried on staring, Katya quickly becoming impatient a few seconds later when Trixie didn't go back to kissing her and she wound her fingers into Trixies hair and attacked her neck, kissing and sucking on the skin with fever. "Kat- katya—th—this is not mm—this isn't something mm—that can keep happening" she moaned her body writhing as she felt katayas teeth grazing over her skin. Katya clearly didn't listen as she carried on moving up to the shell of her ear and under her jaw. "Katya—mmmm-babyy" She couldn't help but whine as she found her sweet spot. Katyas stomached bloomed at the name as she smirked against it sucking at it more. Trixies eyes rolled back in her head as she kept going before willing herself to a sit up on top of her. By now the leather of Katyas skirt was up around her waist. Purple lace peeked out with a very noticeable wet spot, it made Teixies mouth dry. It made her wonder what other sets she had. Was she the type of girl who wore fancy underwear all lace and trimming or was she doing it for Trixie? Katya immediately chased her sitting up pulling Trixie into her lap and rejoining their lips and pulling her back down. 

Thats only natural, but why did it have to be me?   
Before Trixie could protest again the sound of the door opened and they both froze. "Trix?". Shea. Shit. Shit shit fucking cunt whore fuck. They were the only words that filled her head. Trixie shifted on top of Katya only just clamping her hand over the younger blondes mouth in time to catch the moan she caused with the friction. "Trixie are you in here?". Trixie rolled her eyes and peeked up over the table causing a look of surprise and confusion in sheas face. "What are you doing down there?" She abruptly stood up and straightened out her shirt hoping to God Shea wouldn't clock her faded lipstick before sitting back at the table straightening out her papers. "I-uh-I lost my earring but uh I found it". Shea looked at her still confused as Trixie stole a glance down at Katya who had a devious smile as she crawled towards Trixie. She could see her raising a hand in her peripheral as she continued to smile at Shea. She wouldn't dare. "Have you seen Katya? Uh, the girl who's helping me design the new line. She said she was gonna come down here to get to know some of you guys, she seemed really interested in the makeup side, said it completed the look so I told her to come and see you". Oh she would, Katya ran a finger up the inside of Trixies leg and it's a wonder she didn't kick her with the way it tensed. "Uh she came in for little while, but she didn't stay very long" was all she could get out as her fingers got closer. "Well....?". 

"What?" Trixies cheeks flushed and she was gripping the chair so hard her knuckles were turning white. "What did you think of her? Cute right? Wasn't it sweet of her to want to get involved with everyone on the team?". 

"Mhm I don't know, she was uh" Katya brushed over her clit through her trousers and she had to inhale sharply though her nose. "Relentless, tenacious and most definitely stubborn" she told her grabbing Katyas fingers to stop her. Katya smiled at the fact she knew she'd taught Trixie the word tenacious a few days ago whist they were discussing her love for Russian culture and now she was using it against her. "Yeah she's a force of nature all right, but I've gotta hand it to her, girl knows how to get things done. She could debate her way into anything. She was even able to convince me to put this shade of green on one of the new dresses". Trixie would've reacted a little more surprised in a normal situation. Shea was headstrong, confident and usually was final about getting what she wanted, it was a real feat to convince differently about something she was set on, but right now she couldn't care less because Katya had managed to wiggle her fingers free and instead take Trixies in her mouth. 

"Wow, yeah she's defiantly something", 

"Alright well I'm gonna go see if I can find her, I'll see you tomorrow Trix". The woman nodded not being able to make another sound for fear it would come out a moan. As Shea was leaving she looked back down at Katya who was looking straight at her sparkling wide eyes smirking around her fingers. As soon as the door shut Katya released her with a giggle. She let out a big breath as Katya got up and situated herself in her lap. "You're a rotten dirty little monster" Trixie told her leaning her head forward onto her shoulder chuckling. "You love it" she retorted. 

She did actually. The bizarre remarks, the animated facial expressions and reactions to even the tiniest of things. Her over the top wheezy laugh, god she loved her laugh. Her 3am texts on whatever had popped into her head and felt inclined to tell Trixie about. All of it. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Trixies heart pounded and she walked further off of the ledge. "Anything". Katya bit her lip as she took one of Trixie curls in her fingers and twirled it around watching the way her silky hair ran over her skin. "Why out everyone in that whole party, a room full of models and gorgeous designers did you want me?". That had been playing on her mind for a while now and she couldn't stop herself from asking. Katya suddenly blushed and hid her face in trixies neck. "What? Is someone shy?" Trixie giggled. Katya pulled back before looking directly into her eyes. "There's this amazing piece of art that used to be at the Museum of Modern Art in the 70s. I first saw it in a picture my dad had taken when he first visited New York before we moved here. I remember staring at it for weeks when he'd showed me and thinking it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It's called Diamond lake by Ronnie Landfield. Anyway, when I saw you at the bar, I felt that same feeling of..just awe I guess, you remained me of that painting in a strange kinda way". Her confession almost had Trixie in tears as she cupped her face in her hands. Trixie slowly brought their lips together smiling into it. It was soft and slow and yet still filled with passion.

"Go on a date with me" Trixie whispers against her lips. Katyas breath slipped as she heard the worlds she'd said just last week be repeated back to her. "What?". 

"I wanna take you out" she told her. "But I thought you said" Trixie cut her off with a shush. "Listen, I don't know if this is a mistake but I told myself I didn't wanna get involved with you because I don't wanna find myself in a place so deep I couldn't bring myself out. I didn't wanna get attached to a girl who couldn't stay. However I think it's too late for that. I'm scared, to death actually, but all I know is that the way you make me feel is real, and I don't know how long this will last but a friend told me that if you care enough about someone it's worth a shot to try". Her voice was hushed as she spoke to her all the while running a hand up and down her back. 

"I'm afraid too, afraid that I'm not going to be good at all of this stuff but it's feels real to me too and you're right that's all that matters".


	3. Take a chance on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya had never really understood the momentous fanfare built up around the idea of going on a first date. When she was a kid, she watched countless insignificant teen movies that showed glossy montages of the seemingly world shifting event and never understood why it was such a big deal.

If your all alone, when the pretty birds have flown honey I'm still free. Take a chance on me. 

Katya had never really understood the momentous fanfare built up around the idea of going on a first date. When she was a kid, she watched countless insignificant teen movies that showed glossy montages of the seemingly world shifting event and never understood why it was such a big deal. It was always minutes of an annoyingly catchy pop song filled with ugly spaghetti strap tops flying in slow motion as they struggled to find the perfect outfit, close up shots of glittery gloss swiping across pursed lips and mascara coating long curly lashes. The shy nerdy girl who'd been asked out by the captain of the football team and now got a miraculous makeover to impress him and show him she'd been gorgeous the whole time. It all seemed too far on the side of dramatic for Katya then, even for her. Yes, she was always known to be a lively and over the top, bonkers artsy type but how hard was it to go somewhere with someone you liked and have a good time. 

Now though, she wished more than anything she could remember that mind set and go back to when she was fourteen watching bad 90s movies and scoffing at the anaemic plot lines and apathetic characters. Maybe she just didn't understand because they were going on dates with boys, boys who seemed uninteresting and not all that attractive to her. It didn't really hit her until the age of sixteen that when she'd watch those types of films, her eyes would focus on the girls more than whatever air head jock she was with, being more interested in the way the actresses delicate kisses would feel and how her honey blonde hair would flow around her fingers. She'd always put it down to jealousy, how she'd kill to have curves like that or lips that inviting, but after a while she started to question her feelings. It took her a while to realise that maybe she wasn't attracted to boys at all. 

A girl she'd met in high school, Tatianna, was the first girl who'd confirmed her suspicions. They'd both been similar types of souls, more interested in smoking behind the gym and discussing some obscure pop punk band that she couldn't even remember the name of now, than the Pythagorean theorem. But one afternoon, whilst they were skipping chemistry together sharing drags of one cigarette, the tall dark girl had impulsively pulled Katy's lips onto hers and they'd made out for at least half an hour. She didn't know weather it was an experiment for her or if she actually had liked Katya, it wasn't anything special like everyone said it would've been, but it was affirming. They'd never spoken about it afterward, and it never happened again but that was the first time things seemed to click into place for the confused girl. 

Every woman she'd been with since then had always treated her the exact same way Tatianna did that day, taking advantage of the knowledge she was into girls and using her as an experiment. Even the girls who were defiantly gay just enjoyed the sex. She was good at it, she knew how to make a girl feel good, but that's all that they ever cared about. It's all she knew when it came to relationships, so now there was a possibility that Trixie liked her for maybe more than that, the unsettling feeling of nerves that made her want to explode with glee and throw up at the same time could finally be understood. What if she didn't know how to love? What if Trixie thought she was stupid and immature? 

She stood in her bathroom mirror in her underwear, jumping up and down and shaking her hands trying to dispel the adrenaline and energy like an athlete ready to run the 100m sprint at the olympics. She'd just finished her makeup after the shower hoping she could take some comfort in it, but the warm water hadn't done anything to calm her. Letting out a deep breath, cocking her head to each side she stilled herself and made her way back into her bed room to get dressed. She detected she was starting to feel a little anxious this morning, so she invited one of her closest friends over to help her feel a little more calm before she let herself go out. The blonde couldn't bare the idea of getting herself so worked up that she'd ruin the whole day for Trixie. Actually, she was proud of herself for contacting her friend before she left. A few years ago she would've shoved the feelings down as far as she could and kept quiet about how she felt, but she was doing much better with her anxiety lately and had come to learn there was no shame in asking for help. Just having someone around made her feel a little more grounded. 

Willam was still perched on the sheets scrolling through Instagram surrounded by the multiple outfits she'd helped Katya pick out when she emerged from the bathroom. Katya had found herself drawn to Willam ever since she met her, the woman was the only one Katya had ever met who was just about as crude and crazy as she was, she never felt judged around her and that was a factor that she greatly considered when establishing friendships. She heard Katyas quick breaths and flicked her eyes up to her nervous expression before locking her phone and placing it on the bedside table. "Kat chill it's just a date, I thought you said you liked her" the woman drawled handing her the ripped pair of jeans she'd chosen. 

Trixie has suggested that they'd spend the day together before she took her out for dinner. Due to both of their busy schedules though, Shea insisting they get as much work done before Christmas break and both of their availabilities fluctuating, they hadn't been able to set a time both of them were free. After three weeks of texts, FaceTime and long phone calls however they managed to find a Saturday that both of them were free for the weekend three days before Christmas and Trixie jumped at the chance to see her. During one particular phone call that lasted until the early hours of the morning, Trixie mentioned something about wanting to see Katyas favourite pieces at MoMA and before she knew it Trixie had gotten two tickets and sent a cute picture of her holding them towards the camera. They would visit the museum, maybe take a walk around Central Park if it wasn't too cold and then make their way back to Trixies to change before they went out to the restaurant. 

Katya took the jeans and shimmied then up before prompting her friend to pass her shirt. "That's the point Willam I do like her, what if she goes out with me properly and realises she doesn't want me anymore?". William rolled her eyes getting up off of the bed and grabbing the shirt, turning it around in her hands before she could put it on backwards. "Don't be ridiculous, all you've done for the past month is go on and on about how much you wanted this. You should've heard yourself girl it was 'She was so pretty Willam' or 'I want her to eat my pussy until I cry' it was disgusting" she mimicked making fake vomiting noises. "Shut up I did not say that" the blonde retorted pulling her hair out of the neckline of the T-shirt and grabbing her jacket. "Yeah but don't deny that you were thinking it". William continued to push the action until Katya pushed her away laughing and slipped on her socks and her beaten up docs to complete the look. 

Her feet continued to shift on the carpet until her friend grabbed her shoulders forcing her to look at her directly. "It's gonna to be fine, you got this" she said sincerely nodding, Katya mirroring her actions. "Alright she's gonna be here any minute, here’s your bag with tonight's killer dress. I've put your silver stripper heels in there and some extra makeup so you should be good. You're gonna look like an irresistible ,classy of course, sexy whore so she won't be able to keep her hands off of you". Katya smiled and brought her in for a hug leaning up slightly to meet her height. "Thank you" she chuckled in her ear before the sound of the buzzer rang though the silent apartment. 

"Alright go get her girl. And I don't expect you back tonight I wanna see you here tomorrow not being able to walk straight" William turned her around laughing at her face of horror and shoved her towards the door Katya taking a deep breath. "I'll lock up with my key" she shouted before Katya reached the intercom. "Hey I'll be down in a minute" she spoke into it before blowing a kiss to William and heading downstairs. 

Katya was paid well working for Shea, and with her help selling her art she had come into a considerable more amount of money lately. However the change had only come recently and she still lived in a relatively small apartment building that looked like it was out of some New York crime show. She knew Trixie wasn't the kind of woman to judge but she couldn't help but feel a little insecure as she stepped out immediately spotting the tall blonde in an expensive looking white trench coat. She thought for a moment not many people would be able to pull it off but with Trixie's hourglass figure, the belt pulled tight around her waist made her look so sophisticated. Trixie however didn't seem to care one bit on the building behind Katya, too focused on the woman herself as she sauntered over to her beaming. She was leant against her car, passenger side door open ready to escort Katya into her seat. Before she could get in though Trixie made a disapproving sound and pulled at her waist to bring her into her arms and softly brought their lips together. "I missed you sweetheart". Katya blushed at her hushed voice in her ear before she breathed a reply and got in not being able to wipe a stupid smile from her face before Trixie closed the door for her and ran around to the drivers seat.

As soon as they were on the road and Katya had settled a little, her ears tuned in to Trixies soft voice singing beside her to the song playing at almost no volume through the speakers. She was going to tell her how beautiful her voice was, but something told her she was doing it unconsciously and Katya didn't want to embarrass her, not if it would make her stop at any point. She listened for a while, pretending to look out of the window at the traffic whilst she sung every word of Dolly's greatest hits. It made something in Katyas chest bloom to be let in on another part of Trixies interests and personality, it made her wonder what other music she listened too, weather she played any herself. "You're voice is really pretty" Katya finally decided to say when they were paused at a red light. Immediately her voice cut out as her expression moved towards katya with a shy smile. "Oh..thank you. Sorry sometimes I don't even catch myself doing that". 

"No no really like I said you're voice is really good" the blonde assured looking towards her face giving a light smile before the red reflected on her face changed to orange and she looked back to the road. Traffic in New York was horrendous so it took longer than expected to get there, but after what seemed like almost forever and no time at all, they finally got closer to their destination. Somewhere during the journey Trixies hand had dropped to the middle console and Katya immediately got the urge to hold it. The younger blondes fingers twitched in her lap as she thought about it, the red polish fidgeting as she picked at her nails. 

She didn't let it distract her for long though because they were nearly there and she was too worried about how this day was going to go. This would be her first proper date. Her last girlfriend wasn't really into that sort of thing, at least that’s what she told Katya. 'Much rather prefer you right here in bed' is what she'd told her every time she'd suggested they go for dinner. She'd even missed one of her friends birthday parties once when she'd insisted that she didn't want to go because she 'got bad vibes' from her friends and absolutely needed Katya to eat her out that second. She didn't think Ginger had ever forgiven her for that actually. 

As they got out and Katya joined her date, the taller woman immediately put her purse on her arm and slipped the other around Katyas waist and waltzed into the museum. They both walked up to the front desk, Trixie effortlessly slipping the tickets out of her purse and fanning them out between her fingers as Katya watched in awe. She didn't have to do anything, Trixie had taken care of everything, exchanging the tickets chatting to the woman behind the desk with a polite smile. All Katya could do was watch still secured in Trixies grip. It made her feel safe in a strange kind of way, cared for and small. Trixie nodded her thanks as they were let through and the two walked along the hardwood floor into the main hall.

Katya had been here a million times, but the grand building never ceased to amaze her. By now she knew where every piece was and how to navigate the maze of the place blindfolded. Most of the time she'd come here alone, and whist that provided her the space to take it all in and soak up the ambiance of the place in quiet thinking and contemplation, she couldn't wait to show it to Trixie and share her thoughts. It was one thing explaining over the phone but another showing her in person and watching her reactions. Every time she gaged another gasp or smile from Trixie she felt her breath stop for a second. Trixies heart sped up at the way Katyas eyes lit up too when she caught sight of a particular piece she loved and dragged Trixie over to it to tell her all about it. 

When they reached a specific exhibition, they sat in front of one beautiful canvas for a while longer than any of the others. Katya didn't really say much about it, but she stared for so long completely encapsulated in it, a light smile on her lips and a rose tinted glaze over her eyes. Trixie was dying to know what thoughts were wizzing around in her head as she scanned over her face. This one seemed pretty important to her though so she wanted her to only let her in when she as comfortable, she didn't want to push. Katyas hand managed to find Trixies as she carried on staring her expression not moving an inch as she was enthralled. Trixies eyes however didn't move from Katyas face, she was interested in the art of course but the way she was looking at is was enchanting in itself. "Beautiful isn't it?" Katya murmured tilting her head to the side. "Yeah" Trixie responded answering a completely different question.

Katya lead her date around until the tall blonde could see she'd become a little fatigued and she'd gravitated to Trixie's arm, her explanations getting smaller as she became exhausted. "You hungry?" Trixie asked moving the strands of hair that'd fallen into her face when she'd leant on Trixies shoulder. Katya nodded and Trixie asked if she was ready to leave, before they made their way out and onto the street. 

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together.

Trixie had been here a couple of days prior to get the tickets, and she'd seen an adorable little Christmas themed concession stand selling hot cocoa and Christmas tree shaped warm cookies and she made a beeline for it as soon as she had Katyas hand. It wasn't that far and she'd knew she'd done a good job when she saw the little blondes reaction a huge gasp escaping her chest. The look on Katyas face was priceless when she caught sight of the bright lights and inhaled the sweet scent, a huge grin illuminating her face as she bounced up and down like a child. After they'd both got what they wanted, they decided to take that planned walk around Central Park admiring the crystalline snow that blanketed the space. Despite it being three days before Christmas it was oddly calm, Trixie imagined there would be people everywhere but she supposed everyone was closer to the stores last minute shopping. It was in that moment she was glad she'd brought all of her gifts. She hadn't told her of course but on a impulse one night, she’d even bought one for Katya. Trixie kept taking glances at the younger girl sipping her hot cocoa, her lips turning up around the rim of her own cup. The way her cheeks and nose were starting to tint a light shade of red with bitter air was adorable to her, she could just scoop her up and hold her until she was warm again. She had to admit she quite liked the silence they were in too, mostly because it didn't feel like silence at all. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, it was the both of them taking in a beautiful scene and making casual comments about how pretty it was or telling each other funny stories about a specific part of the park. 

When Trixie had mentioned that she held a picnic in a clearing 'right by those trees' when she was twenty two, she was reminded that the older blonde had told her she'd been living in New York for almost eight years now. Katya herself had been there since she was sixteen which meant they were living in the same city for at least five years, existing around each other with absolutely no knowledge of each others existence. It was things like that that kept Katya awake at night sometimes, that humans are such a tiny spec on a huge scale of complicated universe and yet somehow two people who lead completely different lives, had a million different variables, could make choices to be in the right place at the right time to end up five years later in the same spot. She didn't believe in destiny but she did wonder why now in her life had they bumped into each other. They both would've just kept living their lives side by side with millions of other people in the city without anything happening, Trixie might've met someone else and not ever been aware of her. That thought scared her so she made the move to hold tighter onto her hand, as if she was going to float back into the sea of people she hadn't met yet and never resurface. 

They were in the museum for quite a while, so it was nearing 5:30 now as they walked around the last stretches of path. The reservation Trixie had booked was for eight and she wanted to shower and take her time to get ready so she suggested they head back to Trixies and make a start. 

A multitude of scenarios played in Katyas head on the way to Trixie's of what her apartment would look like, if she'd decorated it to match her candy floss bubblegum fantasy or left it simple and polished as to not go over the top. She knew from the FaceTime calls they had her bedroom walls were a pristine white but that gave absolutely nothing away in regards to the rest of the place and she was excited to find out where Trixie lived. When they did finally arrive though, Katya couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. The blonde knew Trixie often wore expensive clothes sometimes and didn't seem to have any problem paying for anything but she thought maybe she was just the kind of woman to splash out on designer shoes once in a while and was a little precious about paying for the date because it was her idea to take Katya out. However as Trixie walked her into the building and the doorman nodded at her as if they were old friends, and she'd lead Katya into the elevator before pressing the button for the penthouse Katyas expression whipped around confused. Trixie just gave a shy smile before they entered the grand space and Katyas jaw dropped. She was right about the whole barbie dream house thing, the place was decorated floor to ceiling with more shades of pink Katya knew existed but it was still impeccably stylish, most defiantly done by experienced interior designers who had clearly worked closely with Trixie. For a split second she got self conscious about what Trixie must've thought about her place, but before she could think about it too much though Trixie appeared behind her and snaked her arms around her waist. "Th...this is..amazing" Katya whispered not being able to tear her eyes away, every time her vision would move even an inch she'd notice something new. She desperately wanted to ask if she was some kind of secret mafia boss or if her family owned Wall Street but she didn't want to be rude and ask about her money, defiantly not if it came out like that's all she was interested in.

Katya dropped her backpack onto the floor and leant back into Trixie relishing in her warmth now they were back inside. "Do you wanna go and get ready now sweetheart or do you wanna relax for a while?" Katya exhaled feeling her breath on the back of her neck and her calling her sweetheart again. This was the first time, apart from when Trixie was driving they'd been completely alone. She loved getting to know more about Katya and relished making jokes just to hear her laugh, but Trixie had been thinking about nothing but kissing her again since she helped her into the car on the way there. She'd playfully slapped her ass urging her to go faster into the passenger seat resulting in the cutest whimper, and since then she'd wanted nothing more than to hear it again. 

"Can I shower and then relax for a while before we get ready? The reservations not until eight right we've got time?" She asked innocently. Trixie placed a light kiss on her neck willing herself not to bite down before she took her hand and lead her upstairs into her bedroom. She sat Katya down on the sheets, smirking for a moment at how small she looked on the huge mattress before going into the en-suite. Katya played with her fingers in her lap her eyes sliding onto her now Katya knew lilac sheets, before she heard rusting and the sound of running water before watching her emerge. She could see tentacles of steam already curling out of the doorway as Trixie pulled her up and pushed her against the doorframe to the bathroom. "I'm going to use the guest bathroom, take as long as you need" she breathed before Katya lurched forward to join their lips. All of the cold from outside now melted and glowed from her stomach outwards and she could feel herself blushing as Trixie bit her lip. She let the already accumulating humidity and the feeling of Trixie against her intoxicate her as she ran her tongue of her bottom lip before pushing her back into the bathroom and closing the door. 

Something in Katya liked how Trixie was letting her use her shampoo, almost like she wanted to let everyone know at the restaurant they were a pair, that they used the same products. She let herself get lost in the water pressure until she'd lathered herself in the expensive soaps and could hear shuffling in the next room. Trixie must be finished, and she knew she'd said take as long as you need but she didn't want to over step too much no matter how good this shower felt on her skin. 

Trixie sat on her bed in a silk pink robe watching the door open to reveal Katya dressed in the huge fully towel Trixie had put in there for her. The blonde looked ready to be ravished and then cradled as she smiled at Trixie and it made her toes clench. Her damp hair sticking to her face and a rouge hue painted on her cheeks that spread down to the tops of her breasts were the towel cut off due to the heat of the water. This was the first time they'd seen each other completely bare faced and Katya thought Trixie looked positively radiant. She didn't have the graphic eyeliner or pretty glitter smattered around her eyes or her cheekbones carved out with pristine contour, her natural state looked almost ethereal. It made her want to run her fingers over her smooth and makeup free skin just to make sure she was real. 

Trixie was clearly having similar thoughts as she smirked almost patronisingly at Katya. She didn't realise she was staring until Trixie let out a chuckle beckoning her over with a finger. She'd put her bag on one of the chairs situated in the far left of the room and pulled out her dress before she hung it up on the the top of her four poster bed in order to smooth out a crease that had appeared despite how meticulously Katya had put it in there to avoid that. 

Listen to some music, maybe just talking. You get to know me better. 

"I wanna show you something" Trixie breathed walking over to her closet before pulling out another robe, this one a bright shade of yellow with her initials embroidered on the front before walking out into the hallway. Katya quickly slipped it on before following her out and down all the way to the room at the end of the corridor.

Opening the door, Katyas eyes widened as she looked around. Multiple guitars, from sleek electric ones to more rustic wooden models painted with pretty hummingbirds were all on display along with three framed vinyls that seems to have Trixies face over the covers.  
"You were probably wondering how I get to live...so comfortably and I didn't want you to think I was some illegal money launderer or something so.." she told her looking around the room at her display. "When I was a little younger, around you age actually" she started Katya rolling her eyes. "You make that sound like it was a long time ago" she replied still looking towards the vinyls on the wall. One of them was actually the same colour as her robe, maybe she'd done a tour or something. "Well..feels like it" she chuckled walking over the the desk by the window and sitting leaning against it before continuing. "Anyway, yeah I used to write music. I had a couple of albums that did quite well on the country scene and...I don't really sing anymore so I decided to take my beauty degree and start to work as a makeup artist and haven't really done a show since but this what pays my bills and allows me to be so lucky and you know..live like this" she explained. 

Katya registered the melancholy glaze over her eyes as she joined her standing in between her legs. It was a little unnerving to be exposing herself like this to Katya, wearing just the robe felt like nothing compared to what she was sharing right now. The last time a girl had been in this room, Trixie had told her she no longer loved her and things had to change, it terrified her that she was taking another chance like this. Katya put a hand on her cheek pulling her out of her thoughts and made her look up towards her light smile. "Can I hear a song?" Her heart raced in her chest that Katya had taken an interest in her pride and joy and she nodded timidly before padding over the the record player picking up the needle with shakey fingers. She'd already had her album Two birds playing a couple of days ago so she played it from where she left off and after a couple of seconds the melody played through the room. 

Katya closed her eyes for a second, Trixies voice filling her ears. She could see why she was such a success, her voice was like honey and it seemed to seep through her pleasantly. She kicked herself for never really taking an interest in country music, maybe if she had she might have met her before or at least been aware of her. Maybe. She couldn't help but detect the sadness in certain cadences though, she was clearly in pain and it made Katyas heart ache. Trixie took another record from the sleeve however, this time the one that matched the colour of Katyas robe and decided this one might be a little bit better as to not bring the entire mood down. She'd planned to have a good night with Katya, and laying out her past trauma on the first date wasn't part of that at all. 

You know I've got so much that I wanna do when I dream I belong with you it's magic. 

Soon enough a more upbeat song, with electric guitar and lively drums played as Trixies face lit up as the verse kicked in. She'd written this one a long time ago when she was a teenager. That habit of creating characters for herself to mimic had transferred onto creating completely made up versions of her soul mate. Maybe it was sad, to create a girl she could never have, to be so lonely that she'd have to create her own dream girl to live her made up life with but it comforted her have her hope one day she could be living out all of her fantasies. She'd made up this beautiful strong blonde, who loved to go out to french restaurants and take trips to the beach with her in matching sunglasses, and written a story about how perfect their life together would be. A house with a picket fence, her sat on the porch drinking pink lemonade whilst she watched her mow the lawn. The whole song was a rose tinted daydream about what she thought love would be. Now she laughed at how naïve she'd been then. 

Katy's saw how happy the song made her and mirrored her grin as she started to jump to to the beat pulling the room into a more electric energy. "This is great what's this one called?" Katya asked still swaying her hips. "Yellow cloud" she responded now making the obscured decision to match her movements. "I love it, turn it up!" she giggles before Trixie did as she was told and the two of them bounced on the hard wood floor in their robes giggling and interlocking their hands. 

When it was finally time to get ready for dinner and both of them had done their makeup Katya came out of the bathroom still in her underwear. Trixie already had her dress on and was busy brushing her hair but the moment she saw Katya she placed it down on her dresser and stood up to take her in. Her body was beautiful, all toned muscle and tan skin. She hadn't seen her like this before, just like her bare face it was new and she had to restrain her self from getting on her knees and kissing every inch of her starting with her ankles. She stepped closer to her with a smirk, easily inches taller now Katya didn't have heels or boots on. The fact Trixie was fully clothed and ready to go and she was so exposed in front of her made Katays thighs clench. Trixies fingers hovered over her, not quite touching as Katya tucked her chin under not really sure what to do next. She gave her a knowing look before Katya nodded and she finally traced her fingers down her biceps all the way to her wrists. As her fingers moved down, sparks flew up Katyas spine all the way up to the nape of her neck where the hairs started to stand up under her feather light grazes. Before she could push herself into her more though, Trixie plucked her dress from where it was hanging holding it up with a raised eyebrow. "Arms up" she spoke with a smirk as Katya immediately followed the command her fingers starting to go numb. Now the skin of her waist was exposed Trixie traced her fingers once again over her ribs and Katyas breath instantly became more shallow. The tall blond leaned in closer to her ear, placing a lingering kiss on her freshly done foundation. "Good girl" she whispered and Katya swore her heart stopped. Trixie slipped the dress over her slowly letting the full skirt hang around her mid thighs before moving to the back to pull her hair out form where it was trapped in the neckline. She traced a finger down her spine before reaching the zip and pulling it all the way up then placing her hands on Katyas shoulders. "This is so sexy" The taller blonde told her, Katya smiling to herself that Willam had yet again chosen the perfect dress for her and was right about Trixie not being able to keep her hands off . All the younger could do was stand there and try to remember how breathing worked and she dressed her. Finally Trixie placed a kiss on the back of her neck and gripped her hips pulling her back into her chest. "There, perfect. You're so beautiful kitten" she whispered before grabbing her heels and handing them to her. 

When they reached the restaurant Trixie escorted her in just like she'd done at the museum and saw Katya to her seat. She was still feeling a little out of it from before they left so she let Trixie order before she could take in the sheer extravagancy of the place. She'd never been treated like this before, been literally dressed and driven to a restaurant before someone ordered her food and grounded her by intertwining their legs under the table. She didn't have to do anything around Trixie, she just felt nurtured and safe as the blonde guided her. It was comforting and supporting without being patronising, not to mention the vibrating feeling of arousal that buzzed in her at feeling so small and taken care of. All she had to do was be there and Trixie would hold her hand and reward her good behaviour. 

"Are you enjoying yourself doll?" Trixie asked watching Katya take another bite of her pasta smiling happily around her fork. "Mhm this is so good thank you for suggesting it". Trixie took Katyas hand over the table picking up her glass with the other to take a sip of her wine. "Your welcome, it's my pleasure". 

When they were both finished their meal, Katya excused herself to the bathroom before they could order dessert to freshen up. Now she was alone, reapplying her lipstick it was only now that she caught the stupid smile plastered across her face. She couldn't remember the last time she was this happy. The girl carefully swiped her lipstick across her full smile, but before she could put it back in her bag however, the cubicle door behind her opened and she caught sight of something that made her brain practically shut down. The flash of raven hair and the slim waist clad in a Gucci dress was un missable as she felt her breath start to quicken. The woman didn't notice her thank god as she left that bathroom leaving Katyas vision blurred as she gripped the marble of the counter. Her head dropped between her shoulders as she struggled to keep balance feeling her chest tighten. It couldn't be her. She said she was moving to California. It had to be though, just the air of her presence was something that katya recognised and was instantly terrified by. 

She carried on gripping at the counter, for how long she didn't know, feeling tears catch in her eyes before she heard the door again. The woman flinched, petrified at the possibility of her realising it was Katya and coming back until she made out a blurry image of blonde in the doorway. "Kat? Are you okay, I just came to check on you" as soon as she got the words out however she could see Katyas chest rising and falling and ran over to her side. "Katya, sweetie what's wrong?" She asked Katya trying to stand straight before collapsing into her shoulder. "I...I wanna..wanna leave" she panicked Trixie holding her close as she ran a hand down her back. "Alright baby, we can go right now. I just have to pay the bill can you hold on?" She asked trying to keep her surfaced. Katya nodded as Trixies hand found her waist and she led her back into the restaurant. Trixie pulled out her credit card and payed the bill as fast as she could katya still crammed into her side as they walked out into the parking lot. "Alright Angel I've got you. It's gonna be okay you're okay. Just breath with me" she tried to sooth now they were in the fresh air. She hadn't pushed herself into a full panic attack, well not as bad she was as familiar with but she couldn't help how embarrassed she felt Trixie was seeing her like this. Trixie had her back leant on the wall Katya buried in her chest as she cried, trying to focus how Trixie's fingers combed through her hair. After a few minutes and more of Trixies encouraging words her breaths regained some control and the tears stopped and she finally calmed, Trixie steering her away from her panic. 

"That's right good girl, I'm so proud of you hmm that's it" she repeated Katya now pulling back sniffling. "Thank you" she whispered not wanting to let go of her. "Do you wanna talk about it?". 

"Can we go back to your place first? I'm kinda cold" she asked Trixie not hesitating for one second to take off her coat from earlier and wrap it around her. "Sure baby, come on" she soothed taking her hand and leading her to the car. 

Around half an hour later the both of them lay in Trixie's sheets Katyas head on her chest as the both of them were intertwined. Katya focused on Trixies heart beat through her dress as she played with her fingers, the room still in silence. "I thought I saw someone" she let out after a while gearing herself up to start this conversation. "You did? While you were in the bathroom?" She didn't want to push her so she let her take all the time her needed as she ran a hand along the zip of her dress. "My...my ex.Violet" she whispered feeling the poison on her tongue as she said her name. 

Before her next words came, she took a deep breath trying to focus on the embroidered flowers along Trixies neckline. "We broke up a year ago. It wasn't pretty. Last time I saw her she" tears started to catch in her chest but she carried on. "I..it was my fault. I knew she'd get angry but I had to tell her it was over. She hit me and I haven't seen her since". A weight lifted off her chest as she finally confessed. She hadn't told anyone that before, not even Willam. Violet said if she ever told anyone she'd find more ways to ruin her life so whenever anyone asked how she reacted she'd always told them she was upset. She'd never felt more safe in Trixie's arms though and considering she just ruined their dinner she owed her an explanation. "Oh baby girl" Trixies voice wobbled as she held onto her tighter. 

"It wasn't your fault honey. It's okay I've got you now I'm so sorry I wasn't there" she breathed. All she could do was offer her apologies and try to comfort her as she sniffled. "No, you were there. You calmed me down" she replied bringing her head up. Katya leant down to press a kiss into Trixies lips before a realisation hit and she started to laugh lightly. "Can I tell you something kinda funny that's also really embarrassing?" She said Trixie sitting up inquisitively. "I didnt actually bring any pyjamas because I didn't expect I'd need them" she laughed as a blush washed her cheeks. "Oh well that's awfully presumptuous of you Miss Zamolodchikova" she giggled pulling her into her lap. Trixie weaved her hand into her hair and kissed her softly with so much passion it made Katyas breath hitch. "I'll get you something to wear, you take your makeup off" she whispered letting her climb off before going into her closet. 

After both of them them were back to bare face and Katya was dressed in one of Trixies T-shirt's the two of them lay together, legs entangled until Katya fell asleep, Trixie glad for at least a moment she wasn't in anguish.


	4. Lay all your love on me

I wasn't jealous before we met. Now every man that I see is a potential threat. I'm possessive it isn't nice. 

As far back Trixie can remember she'd been told she was petty. Weather it was when she was eight years old throwing a tantrum at Stephanie Millers birthday party for refusing to give her that barbie she wanted so much or when she'd played her music on full blast in college after the girl in the next room told her to keep it down. She couldn't help it, she found it extremely difficult to let things slide. And she's tried to work on it, of course she had, like when Kim used her lipgloss without asking she'd restrained herself and held back or when one of the models criticised her cut crease she'd just counted to ten, but it was like an itch, she just had to say something to wright the wrong. She had to have what she wanted. 

Right now was no different as the blonde sat across the table at the after party of the spring launch staring at Katya who was nestled next to some girl laughing with that perfect smile about some pathetic crude joke she'd made about industry execs or somthing, she wasn't all that interested. All she zoned in on was how she placed a hand on Katyas thigh to steady herself, her fingers slipping just under the hem of the skirt she'd told Katya she looked beautiful in before they left and the way she looked at her with sparkly eyes. When Katya invited Trixie to meet some of her coworkers she'd met through hustling in the fashion world, she should've known all of them would be gorgeous big titted models who didn't know the meaning of the word pores. Having them all around her engaged in their own conversation was one thing, but with them scattered around Katya sharing drinks with her, that made her more insecure than she'd ever admit. Now she could just watch as their eyes all gravitated towards her like she was the sun in the centre of the universe. Trouble was Trixie wanted to be the only one in that universe, she didn't want to share. Katya had the kind of personality that drew people in, it was one of the reasons she liked her so much, but right now she wished they were at Trixies apartment cuddled up on the big sofa so she could tell her how much she needed her. It made her want to scream, cry, and stamp her foot to get her way like she usually would, but this was a professional party and she didn't want to get a reputation, especially as she was around the very people who gave her jobs. Every single one of them was flawless, and Katya was happily in the middle of it all completely unaware of the jealousy bubbling up in Trixie chest as her fingers tightened around her glass. She knew it was ridiculous, they'd only know each each other less than six months, but she just couldn't help but notice how much skin she was showing that wasn't for her and how she laughed at jokes that weren't conceived in Trixie's mind. 

Scenarios of Katya going out with her friends before they met and getting drunk, just like she was doing now, and getting a little too tipsy until she'd ended up in some girls bed that didn't remember her name the next morning flashed through her mind. Maybe she'd been lonely one night and ventured into a bar, found a girl who consoled her by giving her an orgasm to help her forget. The thought made her eyes practically glow green as they burned into the image of the woman beside her getting increasingly close.

Katya had laughed so hard at her joke earlier, flailing her arms around and tilting her head back, that she'd gotten her hair stuck in her earring and was now wincing as it pulled at her scalp. Trixie watched as the brunette reached to untangle it, her fingers brushing over the spot behind Katyas ear that Trixie knew was sensitive. She'd discovered the sweet spot when she'd been pressing kisses into the little blondes neck a few weeks ago, leaving deep purple marks that stayed there for days. She could still hear the moans that ripped from her chest as she hit it for the first time and sucked on it violently, and the fact that this girl she barely knew was touching that specific spot now made her lips press into a straight line.

Trixie took another sip of her drink, only too meet Katyas eyes as she put the glass down, the girl smiling sweetly. Her conversation with the model had dulled a little now and she was busy chatting about probably another trivial subject to the other glamazons as Katya got up and made her way towards the Trixie. "You okay? You're a little quiet" Trixie just let out a little huff as she abruptly pulled Katya onto her lap, her chest against her back as the girl let out a little squeal as she almost spilled her drink. "You just seemed a little preoccupied so I thought I'd just stay out of it" her voice was calm an unbothered but her arms wrapped more around Katays waist, brushing against the fabric of her skirt as she noticed the girl opposite looking in their direction. Katya however noticed the hint of bitterness in her voice and turned her head to look at her hardened expression confused. Regardless she carried on talking, she knew Trixie would say something if anything was really wrong. "I was just telling the girls about my job offer at Coulee" she told her moving her ass slightly backwards to get more comfortable. Turns out Shea had loved Katays designs so much, and said she was so good to have around the office she'd made her a consultant for future lines. Katya could continue seeking her art now she had connections and more popularity and she could work on fashion too, it was perfect. 

Trixie tightened her grip on her hips and took a deep breath. The feeling of Katyas bare ass under the puffy skirt against her thighs made her want to squeeze it and smack it right there in front of everyone so they could see who's she really was "Yeah great. Now you can come to all of these parties and have all the models all over you all the time". With every 'all' in that sentence her voice became more snappy and Katya couldn't just let it go anymore. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem frustrated". She never liked to push but she could tell something was wrong and could detect a look in her eyes she'd not yet seen from Trixie, a kind of angry want that made goosebumps appear on her skin. "Yeah fine. I love watching beautiful girls stare at you like that. Especially that brunette who you seem to like so much" the sarcasm ran through her voice as Katyas lips turned into a smirk now she knew what was happening. "Trixie, are you jealous? Of them?". 

She didn't say anything until Katya let out a chuckle at her childish expression. "I..I don't like how she looks at you like your a piece of meat" she confesses katya getting more amused by the situation by the second. She couldn't believe someone like Trixie, beautiful talented, caring and intelligent would be jealous of some dime a dozen model who was just like any other runway queen from New York. "I've known her for years Trix, she looks at everything with a pulse like that" Katya assures twisting her body and placing a hand on her heated cheek, feeling the creases around her eyes from the way her brows were kitted together. "Yeah well not you" she breaths squeezing Katyas thighs and making her eyes widen. Seeing Trixie like this made heat grow in the pit of her stomach and her cheeks flush just as hot as Trixie's. She loved nothing more than feeling like she was completely Trixies, and seeing her angry and possessive made her feel even more so than ever. She felt wanted and special. It was nothing like how violet had treated her, she'd been possessive of course but it was for her own benefit. She wanted Katya to be her personal fuck toy whenever and wherever she wanted regardless of what Katya felt. With Trixie though, she wanted to be hers, she knew that Trixie would take care of her a treat her with respect not to mention make her cum harder than she ever had. They had trust, which was what made it so different. 

That trust is what made Trixie feel so childish about the whole situation however. She knew Katya would never actually do anything or was even interested in any of these girls, but seeing how much they wanted her was enough to make the jealousy run through her veins. Katya turned around again to lean the back of her head on Trixies collar bone so she could see the expanse of her body on top of her. "Look, I'm sorry baby. It's stupid I know, I just hate the idea of anybody else touching you like that" she lowered her eyes in embarrassment before Katya tipped her head back to whisper in her ear. "It's okay, it's not stupid. It's actually kinda sexy" she admitted biting her lip. Trixie felt Katya intertwine their fingers. "It is?" She asked feeling Katyas nod as her insides started to heat up. "I kinda like you being all territorial.You don't like the thought of me being anyone else's?" Katyas voice was testing as she moved her ass against her purposefully this time. Trixie let out a deep sigh into her ear. "No I don't. You're mine". The younger blonde had to hold in the whimper those words always brought her as she rolled her eyes slightly struggling to stay still on Trixies lap as she dug her fingers into her hips again. She loved getting Trixie worked up, she took pride in being the only one that could break the stern professional face she always plastered on for everyone else. She knew exactly how to detect her breath getting faster or the clench of her thighs and it drove her crazy.

"Then why don't you take me home and you can show me" before the last words even came out Trixie shifted her off of her lap and lead her towards the exit. She heard the model shout goodbye to Katya but she was too busy weaving them through the crowds of people to care and soon enough they were in the car. As soon as she settled in the passenger seat, Katya squirmed on the leather trying to remedy the throbbing between her legs. The drive to Trixie's was filled with Katya whining and running her hands up and down Trixies legs as the anticipation built up. The older blonde however was lost in thought. When it came to sex, she hadn't let lose on Katya as much as she'd truly wanted to in fear of overwhelming her. However, the more things she unlocked with her, like when she'd spanked her in the shower and Katya had moaned so loud she was worried the apartment below could hear or when she'd asked Trixie to pin her hands over her head, the more she wanted to have the conversation about what else she was open too. Now she'd expressed how much she liked to be dominated, she thought she'd finally ask her about it. Dela was never really the type of girl to be into that sort of thing, the furthest they ever went was Trixie using a toy on her, but with Katya she got the feeling she was a lot more adventurous and the prospect intrigued her. 

Don't go wasting you're emotion. Lay all your love on me.   
As they reached Trixies bedroom, Katya noticed how in her head she was and stopped her before they went any further. "What are you thinking about?" The blonde asked twirling a piece of Trixie's hair between her fingers looking up at her with a curious smile. "Before we carry on can I talk to you about somthing?" Katya nodded and Trixie took her hand leading her down onto the bed. "So you know that I really care about you all I ever want to do is make you feel comfortable and safe and make you feel good" she began Katya smiling as Trixie pulled her onto her lap, the little blonde straddling her. "Yeah of course" she responded. "And not that I don't love the sex we have now, but I wanted to talk about maybe trying some new things and discussing what we like and what we're open to" Katyas cheeks immediately blushed as she nodded slowly Trixie taking her hands and bouncing them between their laps. "Is that okay baby girl?" She asked moving her hands to her waist trying to read her expression. The girl nodded shyly before continuing. "Okay let's talk about it". Her voice was lowered now, but her heart rate increased at the idea of Trixie going even further than they already had. 

Surprisingly she'd never really done anything that outside of the box before, not even with Violet. Trixie was the only person she'd ever met that could coax feelings out of her she didn't know she had, so the fact that she was going to push her even more made her bite down on her red painted lips. "Alright so why don't you tell me something you like and I'll go after. I need you to promise me if I suggest something that you don't want to do though you'll tell me, that's really important. Even if I want to, I would never even think about it if it made you uncomfortable, so you promise you'll tell me what you think and be honest".

"I promise" she assured Trixie urging her to start. Katya all of a sudden started to bounce her leg in Trixies lap as she became more nervous. "Errm I like it when you take control and you tell me what to do" she finally lets out looking down at their fingers still locked together. "Okay that's great because I like that too. I also looove telling you what a good girl you are and praising you" Katya eyes lit up at that as she agreed bouncing a little on her lap. "I love praising you and you being my baby girl, but I would also like to tell you what a bad girl you are sometimes too” Katya nodded with a devious smirk on her face at the prospect of teasing Trixie and thinking of all of the things she could do to work her up. “I'll take care of you, I'll be yours and you'll be mine, but that means you'll have to follow my instructions and you need to ask me when you want to come" Trixie searches her blue eyes before she nods shyly and her head falls onto her shoulder trying to hide the blush flushing all the way down to her chest. "What about punishments, if I don't behave" Katya mumbled into her dress. "That's defiantly something we can do. Like the other day in the shower?" She asked pulling Katyas head up and smirking at her now practically beetroot cheeks. "Mhmm". 

"Okay and what about things like restraints. Like tying you up, is that something you'd be open to trying?" Trixie brought her hand up to rest on Katyas cheek. "Remember what I told you about being completely honest".   
"No I want to. I want you to control me" her tone became a little more confident and she got more comfortable and even exited about what Trixie was suggesting. "And what about toys?". 

"I've never really tried before, but I want to try that too" she told her. Trixie smiled at her devilishly before tapping her ass, signalling for her to shift before she padded over to one of the draws in her bedroom. Katya watched inquisitively as she pulled out a pink box and hopefully showed her the contents. "I...is that a strap?". The woman mumbled. "Mhm. You think you can take this?". Katyas eyes widened as she showed her the purple toy she’d picked out, the sheer size making her breath hitch. It wasn't too big but she'd never taken anything like that before. 

"What right now?" She asked Trixie smirking. "Yeah. I wanna show you that sex isn't just about pleasure Kat, it's about trust and fulfilment, I want you to feel completely satisfied" she tells her in earnest. That made something in Katyas chest bloom, Trixie really did care about how she felt and she'd never experienced this level of consideration for her before. "Okay...show me I'm yours" she replied simply Trixie immediately joining her and wrapping her hands around her waist. "All right baby girl. I want to set some safe words though, and we'll make sure you know them properly so you'll be able to let me know when you're good and when you wanna stop okay? You just wanna do colours?" Katya nodded before Trixie continued. "Alright how about green for you're good and you're okay for me to keep going, red for you need a break and black for when you want me to stop". 

She made Katya repeat then back to her multiple times, making sure she had them memorised and knew exactly what they meant before pulling her in closer. "Good girl, now take off your clothes for me" she breathed in her ear before letting her go and stepping back to sit opposite in a chair up against the wall crossing one leg over the other. They'd only really scratched the surface, but Trixie decided that this was enough for today and as they explored more she'd bring up things one by one. Katya followed her instruction without question and looked directly into her blown out eyes as she began peeling of her skirt pushing it down to her ankles and kicking it to the side before working on her shirt. Trixie watched with a hungry expression admiring how beautiful her body was as more of her tan skin was being exposed feeling her lower stomach heat up. The cold air hit Katays skin as she unhooked her bra and tossed it to the side, and sliding down her panties leaving her completely naked in front of a fully clothed Trixie. "You're so beautiful Katya" she whispered finally standing up and running a hand up her leg catching the wetness as she reached the top of her inner thigh. "And so wet, did talking about what I'm going to do to you get you all worked up sweetheart?" Katya just whined and chased her fingers as she pulled them back smirking at how they glistened. "Get on the bed" she ordered Katya crawling amongst the sheets and resting her head against the headboard. Trixie still hadn't got over how small and perfect she looked in her bed, and it only made her slip more into the mindset she was in just an hour ago, wanting to show Katya who she belonged too. Trixie started to unzip her dress until she caught Katya trail her fingers down her stomach towards her centre. "You will watch and only watch me do you understand?" Katya whined again and moved her hand prompting Trixie continue pulling her dress all the way off to reveal a beautiful set of lacy pink underwear underneath. Katya thought she looked like a goddess, every curve dimple in her skin making her more ethereal. Her fingers twitched besides her as she fought the urge to move, wanting to touch herself, touch Trixie, anything to give her the friction she needed.

Trixie then stalked over to the box fitting the strap and and pulling out the lube as Katya watched with wide eyes. When Trixie was finally over her, she wasted no time in moving the hair from Katays face pressing herself down in a kiss, Katya immediately moaning into her mouth as she bucked her hips up involuntarily. She was sure she must been leaking into the sheets with how turned on she was. Trixie then moved her kisses down to her neck and zoned in on her sweet spot desperate to reclaim it. "Mmm Trixie please" the little blonde moaned as she felt the silicone brush against her leg now the older woman's weight was on her making her desperate. Trixie completely ignored her as she began leaving hickeys across her creamy skin making her way back to that spot behind her ear. "She touched you here" Trixie said against it the anger once again rising this time clouded and fuelled by arousal. "She wanted to fuck you Katya" Her tone grew more frustrated and it only made Katya grow more needy as Trixie bit her earlobe and continued pressing violent kisses into her neck. "I'm only yours" katya let out the best she could with out having to talk through a moan. "Oh you are? All for me?" She tested Katya nodding innocently, causing Trixie laugh as she grabbed her jaw. The way Trixie was making fun of her only made the heat grow as her cheeks reddened under her touch. Trixie looked into her eyes watching them melt as she stared up at her, she thought didn’t think she’d seen anything cuter. "Good girl. Are you sure this is what you want? I can stop at any time baby remember" she made sure to look into Katyas eyes and give her a knowing look to gage her response. "Yes..please I want it" she whined and with that Trixie clicked the top of the lube and ran her hand over the toy before positioning herself at her entrance. 

The older blonde lifted Katyas arms so her hands were beside her head and interlocked their fingers as she balanced over her. She stared into the deep blue below her again, Katya feeling the tip at her entrance and trying to push her hips into her in desperation. She wanted nothing more in this moment than to be filled up and it was making it increasingly harder to cope. "Stay still Angel" Trixie whispered before pushing in a few inches watching Katyas eyes flutter back in her head and the breath leave her chest. God she was gorgeous like this. She felt Katyas fingers tighten around hers as she pushed the rest of the way in, bottoming out and coaxing a deep moan for on the girl below her. "Colour" Trixie breathed before she started moving. Katya forgot what she meant for a second the new feeling overwhelmed her so much before she remembered and spoke finally. "Green" her voice came out lustful and rough. She'd never felt anything like this before, it was like every fibre of her being was on fire and aching deliciously at the same time. "Okay honey I'm gonna move now" she told her giving her a few seconds to nod before slowly rocking her hips into her establishing a rhythm that made Katya see stars as she felt the familiar build up already. "Oh my god, oh my g-" she whined Trixie grinning and bringing their lips together once more swallowing the last of her words. "That's it baby girl, you're doing so good. Does that feel good Kat?". She just responded with deep moans that rumbled in her chest causing Trixie to quicken her pace. She could feel her own wetness between her legs as the room filled with the obscene smacking sounds and the sounds she was coaxing from Katya. It only drove her to go deeper the more she seemed to enjoy it. “Trixie" her voice broke as the blonde hit her g-spot Katya biting down hard on her lip. Trixie smirked as she noticed her reaction and kept her angle relentlessly hitting her in the spot she knew was growing increasingly rough. 

Katyas could barely focus, her vision blurring it felt so good. She wrapped her legs around Trixie's waist her heels digging into the small of her back trying to keep her there. "Fuck please..Trixiее..feels amazing please don't stop". Trixie was busy placing kisses onto her neck as she carried on rocking into her the sweat now beading on both of their faces, their fingers still locked together and Trixie pushed her hands further into the mattress. "Mhmm. Take it" she growled somehow doubling her pace. "You're mine baby girl do you understand?" She asked bringing their eyes up to meet again. "Mhmm yeah I'm yours. Fuck..please can I cum..please I- I need to" she begged miraculously remembering what Trixie had said earlier despite being right on the edge. Such a good girl. Katya was moving her hips frantically fucking back as Trixie slammed into her, her cunt dripping onto the sheets as she got lost in the pure pleasure. "Fuck your so beautiful sweetheart, so good for me. You can come baby show me how good it feels, but look at me, I wanna watch you lose control" she whispered pushing Katya finally over the edge with a strangled moan of Trixie's name as she pushed her back up from the mattress her body shaking and convulsing as Trixie continued to fuck her through it. 

When she finally stilled Trixie pulled out and slid the strap off before shifting beside Katya who was still trying to catch her breath. "You were so good for me honey I'm so proud of you" she told her kissing over her cheeks.She had sweat on her forehead making her baby hairs stick to her face, her makeup was smudged under her eyes and her lipstick left almost no trace anymore. She looked well and truly fucked out, a blissed put smile across her features. Once she was back down to Earth Katya twisted her body and buried herself into her chest just wanting to feel her embrace again, suddenly needy. "What about you?" She mumbled running her fingers over Trixies waist. "Tonight's all about you sweetheart. Next time". Katya tired to argue, but all of her bones felt like jelly and she was sinking further into Trixies arms by the second. "I'm gonna go run you a bath so you can get cleaned up okay?". Trixie got up off of the bed and walked into her en-suite, the younger hearing her turn the water on and the sound of what must be bubble bath opening. A few minutes later Trixie emerged and plucked Katya off of the bed carrying her into the bathroom and helping her in. After she lathered her in what she'd come to learn was Katyas favourite body wash, and thoroughly wash her hair she wrapped her in the pyjamas that Katya had left there and that Trixie had washed before putting her into bed. As soon as Trixie lay beside her the younger pulled her in, still a little out of it from earlier and wrapped her arms around her waist. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I'm so happy that I have you princess" Trixie couldn't help but just say what she was thinking as she pulled her in for a kiss. Katya smiled the best she could and mumbled a little, she was right on the edge of sleep and Trixie combing a hand through her hair only made it more so. She was going to keep whispering her thoughts however after a couple of seconds Katya was asleep in her arms lightly snoring with a faint smile. 

I still don't know what you've don't with me. A grown up woman should never fall so easily.

Since that day, the two had been all over each other, more than usual that is. Trixie loved to watch Katyas reaction to everything she tried with her for the first time and it was as if they were going through their honeymoon phase all over again. She'd learned what Katya liked the most, pinpointing every sensitive spot and how she liked be touched, she could have her on edge for what felt like forever or make her cum in minutes she knew her body so well. Their dynamics were quickly established and Katya learned how to behave and how much she could push Trixie to get what she wanted.

That was something that she'd particularly and specifically taken to doing actually. The little blonde had come to learn that she loved to rile Trixie up and test her patience, had developed a bratty streak that the older woman just couldn't resist. This was mostly because she liked to be punished, knew that when she broke rules she'd end up feeling like she was floating at the end of night, but the fact that Trixie enjoyed the power and got off on it too was all the more reason to test her. 

She hated that she liked it so much, that Katya knew just what buttons to press, but the cocky smirk she got and the way Trixie could just wipe it right off of her face with a look had her stomach heating up every single time. She made Trixie feel like a horny teenager again, always wanting to touch her and feel her lips on hers. She knew it was ridiculous but she was letting herself live in this bubble for a while, allowing herself to be content for once. 

Sometimes she even caught herself just staring at her, watching her reactions to something on tv or on her phone. Some part of her just felt like it was natural, like she was always supposed to be there. That scarred her. The last time she felt like this for someone she'd gotten hurt, but everyday she spent with Katya the more she felt the butterflies in her stomach, the overwhelming static fuzzy feeling when she'd catch her eye or hold her hand. The more she felt herself fall, the more she wanted to. 

Katya spent most of her time in Trixies apartment, arguing it was closer to work even though she knew she just wanted to spend more time with the woman. The older blonde was more than happy to have her and had even moved some of her stuff in over the time. That had caught her off guard too, the feeling when she stepped in the shower and Katyas body wash was neatly nestled next to hers, or when she'd open her closet to find Katyas shoes next to hers. Even their things seemed to fit together perfectly, just like how their words did, they way they flowed seamlessly in their late night conversations. She had no idea how she’d found herself so encapsulated by her so easily, but everything she did, everything about her Trixie loved. 

Now she came to think about it, she realised how much that statement was inherently true. She loved her. There was no denying it or pushing it down anymore, she indisputably loved her. It was like she'd cast a spell, she was so drawn to her it felt like there was some otherworldly force connecting them. 

At this present moment Trixie was laying on the couch, letting these thoughts bounce around her head. Katya was somewhere in the apartment, upstairs or on the balcony, probably sketching or flicking through texts as she lay mindlessly going through her own phone not being able to focus. She stared at the illuminated screen filled with endless pictures of various makeup looks and shots of her friends before she was taken out of it by a weight on her stomach. 

Looking over the top of her phone she glanced up to find Katya sat on top of her, a pink baking bowl in her hands. "Can I help you?" She giggled putting the phone down and lifting herself up to rest on her elbows. Katya grinned down at her, Trixie's eyes flicking over what looked like cake batter around her mouth. She'd been in the kitchen it seemed. "I made cupcakes. Wanna help me lick the bowl?" She asked bouncing slightly. She was so adorable that Trixie for a split second didn't even realise what she was wearing until she felt Katyas bare legs against her. Katya had opted to just put on one of Trixies T-shirt's, and now she was sat on her lap, the woman could see the intricate pretty baby blue lace poking out from under it. She'd brought Katya that set last week, and she knew how much Trixie liked it, how it complimented the colour of her sheets and that’s how Trixie immediately knew her game. 

Katya continued to lick cake batter off of the spoon a mischievous smirk on her lips as she looked down at Trixie. The woman's fingers danced along her thighs as she watched her tongue glide against it before she brought the spoon to Trixie's lips. She immediately wrapped her moth around it before Katya pulled it back with a playful smile going back to the bowl to collect more cake batter before placing it on the floor. The spoon still in her hand she brought it once again to Trixie's lips, purposefully smearing it on her face smirking and biting her lip at her handy work as it made a mess around her mouth. Before Trixie's could catch it with her tongue though, Katya leant down to lick it off for her and captured her lips in a deep moan. 

She dropped the spoon back in the bowl the best she could whist their lips moved together before bringing her hands to Trixie's hair pushing her flat. She'd washed it this morning and taken the time to blow dry it into pristine curls that took over an hour but it felt so soft and silky in Katyas fingers as she pulled on it that she didn't care if it got ruined. Trixie kept her hands on her lower back, smirking when she felt Katya start to grind down on her leg letting out the cutest high pitched whines as she got friction. 

Trixie could of very easily just pulled her pretty underwear off and gone to work that second, but Katya had taken the time to put on lingerie and only wear a lose T-shirt over it, she knew Trixie would see it so she clearly wanted to tease her. Katya liked the build up and the theatrics of it all almost as much as main event, so she knew she'd want to be played with a little, it was never just a quick fuck nor would Trixie ever allow it to be. 

"What's with all the whimpering?" Trixie asked pulling Katyas lips only a millimetre away from her so she was breathing into her mouth. "Feels good" she responded grinding down harder, her panties now soaked through and rubbing against her. "Mm?" Trixies half question was only met with Katyas frantic nods, but despite her desperation Trixie moved her hands to her ass to still her hips. "Trixieee fuck me. I want you, I want your fingers or your tongue...please" she moaned trying to move her hips despite Trixies firm grip on them, her hands resting on the lace at her waistband. "You're being incredibly needy tonight baby" Trixie chuckled. She secretly loved when Katya was like this, shameless and vocal about what she wanted it never failed to make Katyas cheeks flush and Trixie adored it. "I need you so bad" her voice came out higher than it usually did, she seemed so worked up. Had she been in the kitchen thinking about this while baking, or had she just gotten so spontaneously horny that she had to do something about it right that second probably a little of both. 

Trixie pulled her in for another kiss, but when she made no move to move her hands Katya started to whine again. "Mmm touch me". 

Trixie almost obliged seeing how hot she was, but she decided against it wanting to tease some more just to see the look in her eyes. "Oh so you think you just come in here unannounced and demand that I fuck you and I'll do whatever you want Katya?" The younger blonde sat up staring down at her still trying to rock her hips against Trixie. "That's not how this works baby you know that" she told her picking up her phone once again turning her attention completely away from the girl in her lap. A frustrated expression filled Katyas features as Trixie ignored her, her inner thighs were wet and the throbbing between her legs was even more prominent than before she had to do something. 

"Fine. I do it myself" she spoke in a bratty tone pulling off her T-shirt exposing her full set, the little blue ribbon on her bra nestled between the rhinestones. Trixies mouth went dry, just like it did every time she saw Katyas body but she didn't let up still looking towards her phone. Katya bit her lip hard as she slipped a hand into her panties, her fingers immediately getting wet as she drew tight circles into her clit. Her hips rocked against her hand as she practically bounced on top of Trixie who was finding it increasingly hard to keep focus on her whatever she was pretending to look at. The beautiful blonde let out a moan to the ceiling tipping her head back, her small boobs bouncing as she carried on not seeming to bother about the woman under her, too busy chasing her orgasm. It drove Trixie insane, she was supposed to be the one torturing her. Jesus she was a brat. Her thighs started to clench as she got closer, breaths coming out shallow and her fingers grabbing hard onto the back of the couch as she steadied herself. 

She felt herself come to the edge before Trixie grabbed her wrist and finally stopped her fingers an hardened look in her eye. "I didn't give my permission for you to do that" she spoke coldly Katya clearly not backing down just yet as she rolled her eyes. "Well you weren't gonna do it, I need to come" she spoke back. "And I said that's not how this works". She answered raising an eyebrow. "And I say I don't care, fuck me".The eye roll and answering back was a strike in Trixies book as it is, but then the girl had the nerve to take Trixie's fingers in her hand and bring them down to her centre and brush them against her clit letting out a sigh. 

That was the last straw and Trixie couldn't take it anymore. "That's it get up" Katya smirked bouncing off of her lap and it made Trixie even more frustrated. She knew exactly what she was doing and she hated that it turned her on so much. "You're being such a brat tonight Kat, breaking all of my rules being such a bad girl. It’s a shame, what do baby girls get when they're bad?" She asked. "They're punished" she had to hold back the grin as she answered before Trixie clicked and pointed to her lap Katya gladly laying over the legs wiggling her ass in the air. 

She loved to be spanked, the mixture of pleasure and pain was something that always made her come the hardest. The feeling of Trixie completely owning her. 

Trixie ran a finger along her waistband snapping it against her skin before abruptly slapping her ass hard causing Katya to shunt forwards with a hum of pleasure. 

"That's for being a slut and putting on lingerie just so I'd fuck you" Trixie told her as she ran a hand over her ass watching the skin turn a beautiful shade of pink before pulling at her thong and sliding it down. After a couple of seconds she brought her hand down again only to follow it quickly with a third slap each one harder than the next. Katya let out a guttural moan pushing back into each slap taking the full force, the ache travelling through her all the way to her cunt. Her head became lighter as she felt like she was on cloud nine. "And that was for touching yourself without my permission and teasing me". Katya dropped her head between her shoulders letting out a breath as Trixie pushed two fingers in to her only pumping them a few times before pulling them out and spreading the wetness over her ass. Katya whined as the pressure built in her stomach. "I'm sorry" she spoke in defeat. "Oh you are? See, I don't think that's true Kat. I think you acted like such a pathetic little whore because you wanted me to spank you. Is that really what gets you all wet and hot baby? Me spanking you like naughty little girl" Trixie taunted. "Yes" she moaned pushing herself back again encouraging her do it more. She was already on edge when Trixie stopped her and now she was practically bursting. "You're such a slut aren't you" she laughed again slapping down hard hearing it echo through the room. "Yes I'm slut, I'm yours. Trixie please". The older could see she was right on edge again and let out a devilish smirk. 

"No baby I told you, you don't get to come until I say so. You're going make me come first and only then will I let you do you understand?" katya nodded and Trixie slapped her again. "Use your words". 

"Yes I understand fuck I-" she didn't finish her sentence before Trixie pulled her off and Katya slid down onto the floor. She watched intently as Trixie pulled off her pyjama shorts along with her underwear, scooting back and spreading her legs revealing how wet she was. Katya knew exactly what to do as she pressed kisses all the way up her inner thighs finally reaching her centre getting lost in the smell of her arousal. As soon as she made contact with her clit, Trixie hissed through her teeth and slammed her back harder against the back of the couch brining a hand into Katyas hair and the other to squeeze her tits. 

"Oh that's it, make me feel good baby. Right there god". Katya knew just how to use her tongue to wind Trixie up fast and with how turned on she'd been already it wasn't long until she was gasping for breath humping against Katyas face trying to take every inch of her she could. "You're gonna make me come sweetheart don't you dare stop. Fuck dont- Katya fuck" she strangled her grip tightening and making Katya let out a whine. Katya was so on the brink herself she couldn't help but moan as she fucked her tongue into her feeling her warmth and tasing how sweet she was. The vibrations are what pushed Trixie over the edge as her thighs tightened around her head and she released screaming up to the ceiling. As soon as she relaxed Katya looked up at her with wide eyes, watching her with a grin her chest heaving as she caught her breath. 

Katya then leaned forward to lick her clean, Trixie pulsing at the overstimulation until an airy laugh could be heard and she put a hand on her head stopping her. "Good girl baby come here" she breathed pulling her up into her lap and pushing three fingers into her immediately. "Alright sweetheart you can come whenever you need to" she told her Katya gripping her shoulders and staring to bounce as Trixie finally fucked her properly. She was amazed she still had energy left to fuck herself harder as Trixie pushed in but she knew when she was in the mood she could last all night if she really wanted to. Katya came to the edge quickly her face falling onto Trixies shoulder, and Trixie flicked her thumb across her clit until Katya came all over her fingers. Katya collapsed onto her chest with a loud moan before Trixie pulled out and she squirted a little at the movement. "You are such a good girl baby that was so hot. You were so good for me angel I'm so proud of you" she whispered running a hand through her hair whispering into her ear. 

Katya breathed against her chest as she felt them move together. Trixies arms wrapped around her and sweet words warmed her from the inside out. She knew Trixie would get up any second to start their after care so she wanted to relish these seconds before they had to get up. "I love you" she let out softly, not even knowing if Trixie heard. Trixies did in fact hear it loud and clear and her heart stopped in her chest as she pulled her closer kissing the top of her head. "I love you too baby girl".

It wasn't discussed or speculated, it was just whispered in the golden glow of the aftermath and to Trixie it couldn't have been more perfect.


	5. Oh honey honey

Honey honey how you thrill me

Katya woke up abruptly with the sun streaming onto her face, creating a blinding light through the curtains hanging in Trixies window. While she was grateful for the summer fast approaching, the warmer temperature and the longer days, right now the beams reflecting into her eyes were piecing the blissful heavy veil of sleep and making her let out a low groan into her pillow. She had no idea what time it was, but since her and Trixie had been up late into the night getting lost in a conversation about Katyas new art piece, they hadn't gotten as much sleep as usual. Clearly it hadn't affected her counterpart as much though as the blonde turned over desperate to welcome the protection and comfort of Trixie's chest, to relish in the last bits of sleep only to find the sheets empty on her side. 

She must've gotten up early to get a head start on making the food for later, over prepared as always. Before she could peel the covers off to go and find out what she was up to however the door was pushed open and a perky looking Trixie bounced into the bedroom holding two cups of coffee. Katyas head was still a little heavy as she greeted her with a groan sitting up against the headboard, trying to smooth the strands of hair falling around her face the best she could. "Hello my sweet baby how are you this beautiful morning?" She greeted placing the cups down on the nightstand and leaning over to place an excited kiss on her cheek. Katya gave a suspicious smile that quickly melted into a giggle as Trixie abruptly jumped over to settle on the pillow next to her with a huge grin. "You're very chipper, what'd you put in this coffee?". Trixie stared at her sleepy expression her heart melting at her eyelashes fluttering lightly. Katya always looked adorable when she'd just woken up, all messy curls and sleepy smiles. Trixie didn't answer, she just climbed on top of her to straddle her lap, and leant down to scatter kisses over her eyes and cheeks, Katya humming at her impulsiveness. As she pulled back she examined her face, ran a feather touch over her delicate cheekbone and for some reason the night they met came to mind. It briefly reminded her she was right about the freckles, now it was getting warmer they were dotted haphazardly over her nose and her hair was a shade lighter than usual. She looked so beautiful, like how she'd imagined the beach babe she made up when she was younger to look, all tan skin and platinum hair. It actually made her want to take a trip to the coast again, sit in the sand and watch the sun make her skin glow until it went down. 

Trixie wasn't often like this, usually in the mornings she was up and showered, dressed and ready like clockwork working to a precise schedule but right now she just wanted to bask in the lull of warmth the bedroom provided in her little Katya bubble. 

She'd been thinking about that early this morning when she woken up beside her, scanned her soft features with gentle smile. The more she looked the more shiny fantasies of a day on Malibu beach starting to form and melt into lyrics and melodies in her mind and the urge to start writing ran through her. The musician used to get that feeling when she first started writing, ideas and random chords lining up in perfect formation from the snapshot of just one image. Sometimes it was almost like she had a personal soundtrack for her life, she could hear the songs accompanying the moment. After that she's practically ran straight into the studio and the song poured out fully formed and perfect she couldn't remember the last time that had happened. 

"I was thinking that we take a trip to Malibu, you know relax on the beach maybe even go to Hollywood, we get a hotel stay there for a weekend" Trixie told her running her hands over her shoulders. Katya smiled at her touch, hands still warm from the coffee cups and smooth from last nights moisturiser. "Really? Well we can't today we've got to go to that important picnic remember" Katyas voice was a little clearer now she was more awake, running her own fingers over Trixies hips. The younger blonde loved when she was in this mood, she always wanted to be near Katya and love her at every opportunity but today she was particularly attached. Maybe it was because of the trip to the park that they had to go to. 

Kim had been planning this picnic for almost a month, insisting that everybody needed a break and trying to find a day everyone was free. Trixie was a little nervous, her and Katya hadn't really been to an event since they got together save for the spring launch party, but even then people were all over Shea and Kim all night questioning them about the line. It wasn't as if they stayed at that party that long either, so this was the first time they'd be around their friends together leaving opportunity for questions and judgement. Katya was the only one in her mind right now that she could feel completely comfortable with. 

"Well of course not today. But when we both have time off again, I want to take you to California, I think you'd love it there and I love you so I think you'd love it too". A smile swept its way onto Katyas lips as she babbled in excitement, it made Trixie notice that they were a little puffier with her fresh morning face. She wanted to kiss them but she needed an answer first. "Yes?" She pushed before Katya nodded and she let out a squeal connecting their lips like she wanted to so much. The two carried on making out for a moment, soft touches and quiet whimpers coming from the women. Trixie wanted to be softer this morning, all the sex they had lately was rough and whilst she loved it she needed a balance. 

"Now come on out of bed missy we have to shower" Trixie coaxed once they broke apart. "You haven't showered yet? Ew gross" Katya laughed picking up a piece of her hair and fake grimacing at it. Trixie rolled her eyes and got off of her lap pulling the covers off exposing her shorts. "Shut up I was waiting for your lazy ass to get up" she shot back Katya finally standing up and padding over to the bathroom. "And why on earth would you wanna wait for me?" She asked with a cheeky smile leaning against the door frame. "Oh I don't know..showering together saves water?" Trixie backed her up against the frame leaning in to whisper in her ear. "Plus I heard that shower sex is proven to benefit your mental health" that made Katya giggle into her hair as the blonde kissed over her face. "No you did not" she responded biting her lip as Trixie moved kisses onto her neck her breath speeding up. "Yes I did" she persisted with a chuckle reaching down to pull her T-shirt off. "Hmm. Well only one way to find out" she smirked bringing her lips to Trixie as she leant over to turn the water on. 

After they both showered and had gotten ready, Trixie made her way into the kitchen making sure to pack up all of the food ready to take down to park. Now she's come down from her cloud of bliss that shower had provided the feeling of nervousness settled back in her stomach as the time until they had to leave got smaller. Her friends had met Dela of course and they were welcoming and kind, but katya was different. What if Shea didn't like two of her closest friends having an relationship? What if pearl had a problem with their age gap? Katya had told her she'd invited her long time friend Willam too, which only made it worse, if she didn't like who Katya was dating she would hate the position that would put her in. Everything all just had too much possibility for judgement and rejection. She felt sick as she packed the last of the things away, suddenly feeling warmer as she pushed her hair behind her shoulders in attempt to give herself some space. Her fingers slid under the chain of her necklace like she was trying to give herself more room to breath when Katya approached with a bright smile. 

Her red lips melted into a look of concern though as she stopped Trixie in her tracks with hands on her shoulders. She felt like a wrongly accused felon and she hadn't even given an opening statement. She didn't think dating Katya was any sort of crime of course, in fact there was nothing remotely unjust about it to her. Even there was, if she was completely honest there's no other life sentence she'd rather get. But having to face her friends like a juri panel on trail, stating her plea to the prosecution with no promise of if she would go free with all charges dropped made her heart race. "Hey, Trix what's wrong?" Katyas voice was soft as she searched her eyes and it brought Trixie out of the intimidating courtroom her mind had created and back into reality, no judge to give any sentence.

The older woman lowered her eyes, this all felt so ridiculous they were her friends of course they weren't gonna care they would be supportive no matter what but she couldn't shake the uncertainty. Knowing about their relationship and actually seeing it are two different things. "Nothing I-" she started Katya immediately interrupting. "Don't you lie to me. You're playing with your necklace". 

"So?" Trixies fingers untangled themselves from the chain as she was caught. "Sooo, you play with your necklace when your anxious. Trix, tell me what's wrong, please". Trixie sometimes forgot how intuitive she was, she never misses any of Trixie's little habits and could always catch on to what they meant. The blonde took a deep breath before Katya lead her over to the couch in the lounge and settled with Trixie beside her.

"What if your friend doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm too old for you and I'm stealing you away from her? She could think I'm using you for sex or to be my sugar baby or something I don't know" she babbles finally letting all of the scenarios she'd put together pour out. "Woah woah woah. Baby, calm down. Willam is gonna love you, she's the one who told me that if I really wanted to go out with you I should keep trying. She doesn't think you're too old for me, she gets it, she saw how much I wanted you. And she's got her own friends too, we see each other when we can, I spend my time with you because I love you and I want too okay? She understands that". Trixie went quiet for a second and nodded trying to ground herself in the feeling in Katyas hand in hers. "But what about Shea and Kim, Pearl? Especially Shea, she's friends with both of us and what if she doesn't like us being together and thinks it's weird and then you don't wanna be with me anymore or" she carried on until Katya suddenly climbed in her lap and kissed her passionately to silence her. Trixie was taken back at first and took a few seconds before she kissed back feeling Katya bring her hands to her cheeks. "If Shea doesn't like it that's her problem okay? I would never break up with you because of what anyone else thinks. I want to be with you, I've told you that since we met and that's not changed" she assures Trixie finally calming and letting Katyas weight ground her. 

Honey honey, let me feel it.   
Honey honey don't conceal it. 

When Trixie finally pulled into the car park, Katya got out and pulled the bag from the back seat. In this moment the older blonde had decided to try and reach into the part of her brain that she used to use on stage when she used to perform. Her manager had always told her that she might not feel confident, but putting on a brave face and acting like it until it became real was the best way to go. 'Fake it till you make it kid'. She missed Michelle, she had been the closest thing shed ever got to a real mother. For a brief moment she wondered what she was doing now, knowing her probably managing a chart topping pop princess, going to premiers and awards shows. She always knew how to get the best out of people, her tough love approach and tenacious attitude was something she always admired. 

She quickly gravitated towards Katya wrapping an arm around her waist and smiling down at her, giving one last kiss before they started towards the group.

As they got closer Trixie spotted Kim and Naomi sitting opposite each other in the grass, Shea next to them currently pulling what looked like Tupperware from her bag and handing it to a woman she hadn't seen before. "You made it" the woman shouted as she noticed them. Katya felt her arm tense up around her waist before it dropped and the younger blonde took her hand grounding her shoes into the grass. "Wow look at you two being all loved up and close" Naomi piped up with a smile before popping a strawberry into her mouth. "I know who would've thought it, my makeup artist and my designer" Shea replied motioning them to sit down. The woman beside her looked a little awkward but she seemed to gravitate towards Shea, moving her eyes onto her one in a while and sitting close. Shea hadn't mentioned that she was seeing anyone, but then again she was always kind of private with that kind of thing so even if she was she was never one to really chat about it to her colleagues. Katya looked at her and smiled, admiring her striking features. She was a stunning bald woman with graphic makeup and bright eyes, she wondered if she was a makeup artist like Trixie. Maybe that's how she met Shea. "Oh and girls this is Sasha" Shea I introduced the woman nodding and waving towards them. "Sash this is Trixie, we've been friends for years after she did one of my shows when I was just starting out, and this is Katya. I hired her to do this spring collection just gone, but with energy and talent I just couldn't let her go so now she's a executive consultant for Coulee". 

"Nice to meet you. Uh wasn't there supposed to be a couple of other girls, Kim said there would be eight of us" she queried. "Yeah my friend Willam, don't worry she's always late to everything" Katya told her and as if on cue a voice could be heard from behind them and the loud rustling of a paper bag. "You talking shit about me bitch? I come all the way to meet your friends and your girlfriend and you already be talking about me" Katya whipped her head around with a huge grin and ran towards her jumping into her arms. "What's up everybody I'm Willam". Instantly everyone smiled at her and greeted her leaving a space to sit down. 

Katya always envied how she could do that, just introduce herself to a whole unknown group of people and have them instantly be comfortable with her. She could talk to anyone without any self consciousness and in a moment be their friend. She remembered the day they met back in college, she'd been smoking after a particularly stressful class and she'd caught Willam trying to sneak in behind on of the buildings. Turns out she was just there to see a girl she'd met but they started talking for a while and never really stopped. The moment they became friends wasn't a really specific stand out thing, it was just as if she'd known her all her life. 

"So all that's left now is Pearl" Kim told them handing Noami the bowl of fruit she gestured for. Katya had now crawled up into Trixies lap and had intertwined their fingers, playing with them softly and admiring her nail polish. "You okay?" She whispered in her ear, Trixie giving a nod and to prove it leant down for a kiss smiling on her lips. Katya was right, of course, no one seemed to care or want to question them about anything they just smiled their way until a different voice broke the moment. "Jeez Trixie I know you're a whore but can you like not fuck right here in the park in front of everyone". Trixie recognised the voice quickly and pulled back up to look a Pearl standing with her hands on her hips looking down on them with a playful smile. "Fuck off" she giggled squeezing the younger blondes waist. 

Now that everyone was there, the food was laid out in a beautiful arrangement, they all started their regular conversations, Shea starting off talking about the summer line and her partnership with a new and very popular at the moment Goode company. Trixie and Katya joined in, the older occasionally making comments of her own into Katyas ear just for her to make her laugh. She felt content surrounded by everyone she loves getting along so well, Willam had gotten on well with Kim much to their surprise, Katya never imagined the two would get along so well but they were bouncing playful insults and dirty remarks back a fourth for almost an hour. At first she thought it was great their fiends having such a good rapport but as the conversation moved onto the inevitable subject of their best friends Katya rolled her eyes. Neither of them were ever afraid to talk about anything taboo, nothing was ever off the table so when they started on the subject of their sex life Katya knew there was no stopping it, but she was damn sure gonna try. 

"I told you we're not talking about this". Katays voice was whiny as she looked at Kim's grin the feeling of unsettlement in her stomach. "Oh come on Kat don't be such a priss, all I wanna know it who's the top and who's the bottom so I can prove Willam wrong. Like I said I know my friend and Trixie is definitely the top. Right Trix?". Willam countered before she could say anything, thankfully. "And I say I know Katya is the top, I mean look at them, this pink bubblegum fairy fantasy could never be the top, she screams pillow princess" the blonde argued. "No way, Trixie's too much of a control freak, sorry girl but you are. And besides just look at the way they're sitting, Katyas in her lap Trixies arm is around her" she pointed out, Trixie kind of enjoying them trying to figure it out. Katya however really didn't want to talk about this her face staring to burn. "That's doesn't mean shit, they could be sat there like that go home later and Kat could completely rail her". That only made the blush rise in her cheeks even more as she carried on. "As if" she shot back the both of them looking at Trixie and Katya the younger trying her hardest to hide her cheeks in her hands. Trixie rolled her eyes before speaking. "Look all I'm gonna say on the subject is that Katya is such a хорошая девочка для меня" she said proudly and perfectly. Katya had taught her that phrase a couple of weeks ago. Something about hearing Trixie speak to her in her native language made her insides burn, Trixie had caught onto this when she'd casually start copying the nicknames Katya gave her sometimes, and now she'd always ask how to say certain phrases in Russian and try to memorise them. Trixie also loved how she could say dirty things to her in public and no one knew a word of what they were taking about, the way her pupils would blow out and she'd start biting her lip. Being able to work her up with no one else's knowledge was exhilarating. Or she she thought no ones knowledge. Suddenly the sound of Sasha choking a little on her drink could be heard from beside them as she giggled wiping the split droplets of her shirt. "Did I mention Sasha is Russian" Shea smirked. Katya blushed furiously now as she realised she must've understood what Trixie said and looked at her with wide eyes. "Не волнуйся, я не скажу" she laughed placing a finger over her lips. "That's no fair, you can't tell us in language that none of us speak" Willam complained pulling another donut from the bag and licking the icing off immediately. 

The way that you kiss goodnight, the way that you hold me tight. 

The rest of the afternoon was filled with playful conversation and the girls enjoying the pre summer sun, thankfully the uncomfortable conversation dying down rather quickly as Katya could breath again. They said their goodbyes as the afternoon pushed into the evening and the park started to get dark and Trixie lead her to the car, Katya still taking bites out of the cupcakes Naomi had brought. Katya for the first time in a while was staying at her own apartment tonight, she had most of her art supplies still there and had to work on some new designs ready for Shea to look over for next week. Trixie had offered to stay but Katya had told her she'd never get anything done with Trixie's beautiful ass walking around and she really had to focus. 

Pulling up outside the building Trixie decided to walk her to the door and say goodnight. There was no way she was letting her get away without a proper goodbye. "So I'll see you tomorrow, did you have a good time?" Katya smiled Trixie running a hand from her shoulder down her her wrist and holding her hand. "Yeah, I'm happy you could meet my friends. William is great too, batshit crazy, but great" she giggled making Katya join in. "Yeah, but I wouldn't have her any other way" the blonde admitted. Trixie was getting closer by the second and soon enough she brought their lips together in a soft kiss before pulling back with sparking eyes. "I have to go" Katya told her biting her lip feeling Trixies hot breath on her face. "I know. But just one more kiss". Trixie slipped a hand into her hair and steadied the other on her waist before closing the gap again this time lingering for a little longer squeezing her hip. Katya melted into her touch letting out a small whimper into her mouth feeling the familiar fuzzy feeling in her head that she got everytime Trixie kissed her. "Goodnight baby girl" she whispered before turning back to the car leaving Katya to lean back against the door to catch her breath. 

One she got her senses back she made her way up to her apartment smiling like a teenager to herself still tasting Trixie's chapstick. When she swung the door open however her heart stopped in her chest as she saw a familiar figure leaning against the kitchen counter. Hearing the sound of the door she looked up from her coffee that she'd clearly made herself using Katyas favourite mug and smiled towards the blonde placing it on the the counter. "Hey baby, I'm back".


	6. Knowing me Knowing you

No more carefree laughter. Silence ever after. 

As soon as she spoke Katyas ears started to ring and her whole body went numb in a defence reaction. The panic attack when she only thought she'd seen her was one thing, but to have her right in front of her just made her shut down completely, like her brain had detected a virus and shut of all systems to protect herself. She froze on the spot unable to move as she stared at the woman, eying the way her eyes softened as she glanced up at her, lips curling upwards into a sweet smile. It reminded her of when they first got together, she'd look at Katya all the time with doe eyes and innocence but soon enough it always melted into hostility and anger and Katya would end up getting hurt one way or another. She'd seen the exact look on the night she left actually, right before she'd left a bruise that bloomed and curdled on her cheek for days afterwards, a physical mark of shame she had to carry around for being such a fuck up. Violet had always been that way, acting like this perfect pin up girl the epitome of beauty, an all American sweetheart, but when she didn't get her way rage would boil over and reveal the true venom behind the visage. "Vi- Violet what are y- you doing here? How did-". Katya managed to stumble on strangled breaths. The air around her seemed to be thicker, her own skin feeling too tight, the woman opposite however was completely composed her hip leaning on the edge of the counter casually. "Still keeping the spare key in the same pace I see" the raven haired girl spoke sliding it across the worktop, the sound making Katyas shoulders tense even more. When Violet saw she made no effort to move, she finally pushed her self up to stand at full height and take her first steps towards Katya. The blonde wanted to run, straight out of the apartment and into the streets of the city, get lost in the ocean of strangers so Violet would never find her again. Her whole body felt like it was in a dream, more the like a nightmare, the kind where the monstrous creation of your mind is chasing you but you just can't seem to move, she felt paralysed by fear. 

"What's the matter baby cakes, you haven't missed me?" Violet was now only inches away, reaching out a bony hand to touch her arm. Katya would've flinched but her muscles were locked in place as everything in her seemed to stop, including her ability to speak. She would scream at the top of her voice if she could but her throat was so dry choking her of any cry for help. "Listen, I know we ended on...not so great terms, but I'm back in New York now for good, and I think we should get back together" getting straight to the point, the woman sent an ice cold chill through Katyas body as she ran a finger down her arm. "Come on you can't tell me you don't want me anymore Kitty Kat" Violets voice was breathy and soft, her perfectly painted purple lips sticking out into a fake pout. This nickname made her gag reflex gage. Katyas bag hung from her arm, but she couldn't feel the weight, all she could focus on what Violets finger touching her wrist and brushing over one of Trixie's bracelets that she'd let her wear because she loved the little doll charm on it. The anticipation was crushing, she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Violet to snap the way a shark does hunting for prey. 

The younger finally used all of her strength to push the words out as she backed away slightly. "I- no I don't want to. Violet please I don't-" her voice cracked and broke off as she tried to explain Violets dark eyes burning into hers. The glaze of deviance they had behind them sent a chill down Katyas spine all the way to her feet as her toes twitched in her shoes. Before the dark haired girl could continue however, the piercing sound of Katays phone buzzing inside of her bag cut the air and made Katya jump sending a shock out of her static state. Violet quickly pulled her phone out and eyed the screen, illuminated with a picture of her and Trixie and her contact name decorated with a pink heart. Katyas rib cage cracked, the shards of splintering sticking into her heart as Violet held the phone now smirking at it with a raised eyebrow. 

"Oh who's this? Is this why you don't want me back Kat?" She taunted quickly declining the call and unlocking her phone before opening her messages in front of her. "Trixie huh, looks a little old for you honey if you ask me" a low snort radiated from the woman's chest as she scrolled through the messages from the last conversation they had. Katya felt sick, she wished she could've picked up the phone and begged Trixie to come back and save her, take her back to her own apartment never to see the vindictive woman again. "Violet stop it, please just leave I want you to leave". It took all of the courage she had to say that and not just curl into a ball and let her do what she wanted. Violet completely ignored her and kept scrolling, tapping a heel on the hard wood floors. Suddenly a devilish smirk crept onto her face before she let out a sigh. 

"Oh and what's this, you told her that you love her. You don't mean to tell me you actually tricked another girl into thinking you're capable of that do you, because you and I both know that's never really been your thing" she spat. There it was, that cutting tone and intimidating sarcasm that made her head light with terror. Katya just needed this to stop, she wanted the whole world to go black, or for it to just swallow her up as tears now built up."Stop it" she uttered her lip quivering. She didn't want to let the woman see her cry but the words left such a sting, it was an uncontrollable reaction. 

"And look at this, she says she loves you too, aww sweet. Are you sure about that Kat? Has she seen you like I have? Has she seen the pathetic little panic attacks, has she peeled you off of a bathroom floor after you tried to kill yourself? Come on Katya, do you really think she'll wanna be with you you after she sees you for who you really are?" Those words hit her in a place she'd long buried. What if she was right, Trixie had only seen her anxiety on the minor scale and what if she fel into another episode? Trixie wouldn't still love her if she saw the darker parts of her brain, how fucked in the head she really was. 

"Please, please stop it" she choked out tears now falling down her cheeks at how helpless she was. "Because you know I will Katya. Admit it, you breaking up with me was a mistake, she can't want you the way I could. And you still want me" Violet plucked her purse from her hands and wrapped her hands around Katyas waist, the little blonde tensing under her touch and she engulfed her. She felt trapped, claustrophobic, and it made her muscles lock again. 

"No I don't Violet let go" she struggled but the woman had a firm grip on her, fingernails digging into her shirt to keep her in place.   
"Come on baby let me remind you of what we had" Katya continued to cry as her face got closer, eyes cutting into her. "fuck me" violet whispered. Katya only responding with a sob as she shook her head. "No stop get off of me, please let go " she protested squirming the best she could, it was no use. Before she could beg again however there was a knock on the door and familiar voice sounded from the other side. "Kat? You forgot your jacket, I tried calling but I didn't go through". Violet immediately caught on and pulled Katya closer deliberately starting to moan at the top of her voice as she kept her hold on Katya. The younger blonde was trying to call Trixie's name, desperate for all of this to stop before Violet finally pressed their lips together moaning into her mouth."Shh baby" she whispered against her lips still violently kissing as Katya started to cry more. Suddenly the door swung open and another guteral moan came from Violet as she pressed her lips into Katyas. 

"Katya?" The older blonde just stood there slack jawed as Violet stopped her antics and pulled back, Katya finally trying to regain her breath, eyes staring at Trixies expression. Her stomach dropped as Trixie looked at the two of them, purple lipstick all over Katyas red as Violet smirked towards the taller blonde. She could see Trixies lip start to quiver and her hands start to shake, from rage or panic she didn't know. 

"Trixie I- she just" before she could finish however Trixie interrupted her voice breaking with a sob. "I can't believe- god I am so stupid" she cried before storming back down the stairs out of the apartment leaving the air once again cold and still. "Trixie wait" she called after her finally pushing Violet away and running after her at top speed. Trixie was in heels so despite her determination she couldn't exit as fast as she wanted to and Katya quickly caught up just outside her car, Katya placing a hand on the door and stopping her from getting in.   
"please stop listen to me" she sobbed. The pain in Trixies eyes broke her heart into pieces, the mix of shock, anger and disappointment all swirling in the brown.   
"Leave me alone, here take your fucking jacket" she spat realising her still had it in her hand before pushing it into Katyas chest wanting to be as far away form her or anything of hers right now. "I left you five minutes ago, what the hell is wrong with you?" She shouted towering over her. She'd never seen Trixie like this before, and it made her stomach turn, she wanted to go back to when she'd dropped her off only moments ago and do it over again, this time bring Trixie up so she could see what really happened.   
"It's not what it looked like" Katya begged trying to reach out to her arms Trixie only recoiling, which made her heart crumple a little further. "I should've known, you are just an immature kid and I shouldn't have trusted you" she started her face now tinted red from the anger and tears. All of her worst fears had come true, the whole reason she didn't want to get into this in the first place was because she knew someone so young couldn't handle being with just one person in a serious relationship. But somehow Katya had made her believe she was wrong, she thought someone had finally cut her a break, allowed her to be happy, but it was only fitting considering her history it would all go down the drain soon enough.   
"I thought you loved me, I'm so fucking stupid" her voice lowered as she spoke, those words coming out tinted with despair and going straight through the woman opposite her. Katya desperately tried to fix this between broken sobs. "I do, I love you so much Trix please" she begged only for her to once again back away from her touch. "Then why were you kissing her? I thought you said your ex moved to California, I held you when you were panicking and sobbing on my chest because you thought you saw her for god sake. So what did you make all that up or is that some new girl you've replaced me with?" her voice raised as she glanced over to the woman now leaning against the building watching the scene with a smug grin.   
"No that's Violet, and she did, I didn't make it up. She just showed up, I didn't even know she was here, she started telling me we should get back together and how she was gonna remind me what we had, she kissed me I swear I told her to get off me" she told her Trixie now opening the car door Katya backing away.   
"Well that's not what it looked like from where I was standing" she muttered before slamming the door shut and starting the engine her hands choking her wheel.   
"Trixie please don't go. Please" she begged, but it no use Trixie couldn't hear her as she sped down the street and Katya watched her turn the corner and disappear. The cold night air was filed with the sound of screeching tires, Katyas breath and the sound of her foot self's and she stormed back to her building. "Are fucking happy now?" Katya walked past Violet not even bothering too look at her. "Yes quite actually?" She replied making Katyas blood boil. "Just go back to whatever hell hole you came from and stay the fuck away from me" she shot leaving Violet on the pavement and storming up to her apartment slamming and locking the door. 

She couldn't even bring her self to take another step as she was finally alone sinking down against the door gravity finally taking over and her legs were pulled out from beneath her.

Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes. 

Trixie had to stop multiple times on the way back in fear she would crash. Her head was fuzzy and the traffic blurred as she cried and heaved. She couldn't believe this was happening, just hours ago they were sat together enjoying their picnic in what Trixie regarded as her own personal heaven. Now it seemed the world had flashed upside down and instead of floating up she was crashing down into some twisted version of hell. That only made her think of the day they met. The older woman was right, she was never an angel no matter what kind of costume she put on, someone would always see as the opposite. What had she done so wrong that Katya became bored so quickly and ran back to her ex without a second thought. For a brief moment she thought about what Katya said about Violet being the one to kiss her, but the sounds that were coming from Violet, Trixie knew how good Katya could make her feel to coax the exact same ones from her and the thought made her bubble up and in turn fizzle out. 

When she finally came into her apartment, the pain only got worse seeing Katyas stuff strewn everywhere. She didn't bother showering or getting ready for bed she just flopped into her covers, summer dress and full done hair and makeup still on, well what was left of the makeup and buried her face in her pillow. The sheets were still messed up from this morning., this morning when she'd stared in her in adoration and planned all the things they were going to do together. The ache in her chest was so overwhelming and the lights were too bright.   
After a moment all she wanted to do was get rid of it, so she pushed herself up and made her way to the kitchen, her cheeks still wet making her curls stuck to her face. Opening the cupboard, she fumbled for a wine glass pulling one out and accidentally knocking another in her wake making it shatter on the work surface beneath her. She didn't react, she just placed the glass in her hand on top of the broken shards and retrieved the wine pouring herself as much as would fit in the glass. She didn't even notice her finger bleeding until she brought the glass up to take a sip, getting a deep red on her upper lip. Now she thought it about it, it must've been the same shade as Katyas lipstick and now brought her just as much pain. She didn't care though, she just relished in the feeling of numbness slowly staring to creep in with the alcohol in the beginning of running through her system. 

Knowing me knowing you, there is nothing we can do. 

Katya woke up on the couch. That was how far she'd managed to get since last night, and she'd woken up so many times that now it was the morning it seemed useless to try and fo back to sleep. Her phone rang as she opened her eyes, it was Shea. Shit she hadn't gotten anything done. "Hello" she answered her voice still hoarse from the raw and guttural crying that had pushed its way from her chest the night before. "Katya? Where are you, you didn't show up this mornings meeting" she spoke as the young blonde swung her legs under self to sit up and place a hand on her head. "Yeah uh I'm sorry, I don't feel so good I think I'm getting a cold, I've got an awful migraine". That was true, her head was throbbing, but she knew full well it was brought on by stress and not some cold. "Really? Funny because Trixie said the same thing, you two aren't ditching together like some kind of teenagers are you, because that would be rather unprofessional". The mention of Trixies name made her heart sink, hearing in even vague terms that she was just as distraught as Trixie, enough to not come into work made her realise how much she did love her. "No no I'm in my apartment, I'm not with her" she told her, the words tinged with a sour taste as they came out with more than one context. "Okay well feel better okay? I'll email you some of my ideas and you can look over them when you feel up to it okay?".

"Okay thanks. Bye" she replies cutting the call and throwing the phone beside her. She couldn't move, by now she would've been at the office on her break probably texting Trixie and trying to make an excuse to visit her office but instead she melted into the couch the ugly floral fabric scratching against her skin. 

She'd never felt like this before, a person that she felt so deeply for resenting her, hating her even. She didn't give her a chance to explain, and when she tried to even a little she dismissed it. She was hurt and in shock, Katya knew that, but she just left her in the middle of the road, and now she didn't know if she ever wanted to speak to her again. 

Katya was never the type to let go of anything she wanted easily though. From a young age she'd always had drive and determination, sometimes to the point of pure stubbornness but she always got what she wanted. She couldn't lose Trixie, and she had to make her understand even if she didn't want to believe her. 

The woman picked up her phone once again opening their messages and typing out a sentence with shaking fingers. Simple and direct, that was what she thought was best, she had to let Trixie know exactly what she felt and what she wanted. Before overthinking she hit send placing her body into an inevitable stage of anticipation never knowing if she would ever be relieved, there was nothing she could do it was up to Trixie now.


	7. One of Us

Now it's different I want you to know, one of us if crying one of us lying in her lonely bed. 

Trixie didn't consider herself to have a complete understanding what emotion was really supposed to feel like, and never did if she was honest. Her whole life she was confused about everything she ever felt. Things that she thought felt good she was always told were wrong, things that she was supposed to be faithful to and believe in, she always felt the opposite towards. At first she just thought it was lessons she had to learn, a way to train her brain to react to certain things that would be acceptable in the eyes of everyone around her. Maybe she was just slow and it took her longer than everyone else to see what they were seeing. However, when Trixie was thirteen, still an isolated child who still seemed to stick out amongst all of the girls who gossiped about the backstreet boys and never had to question if they were normal, she thought maybe she was just wired wrong. Her mother always told her that god created life, and he loved everyone of his creations, but sometimes she thought if that were true something must've gone wrong with her. Actually now that she thought about it, maybe she just told her that as a way to justify her own behaviour. Trixie always thought she was backwards and over time she learned not to express the feelings she truly had, not for anyone or anything, she'd push them down as far as she could desperate to try and feel the way other people did. Lie to herself until it was true, tell people that she had a crush on Zach Wilson the most popular boy in school that every girl chased after and didn't have unexplainable pull towards that pretty blonde who sat next to her in homeroom just so she could be one of them. 

Her head was a constant mess of things we wasn't supposed to think and feel, like a dark creature that was chained to a corner of her mind that she kept in incarceration. She'd keep it locked up without parole steel bars caging it in. 

If there was one feeling that she knew though, one thing she'd never had to second guess or she internally debate with herself about late at night, it was pain. As a child she reckoned she'd experienced the full range of different types of pain by the time she was sixteen. Everyone in her life always seemed to hurt her somehow in the end. Weather it was her mother not showing any kind of love towards her, abandoning her for her asbusive step father or even her Grandpa who died when she was fourteen and left her with them, they all caused pain in one way or another intentional or not. Her mother hadn't always been the piece of work she was now, she had her stepdad to thank for that one but thanks to the both of them, she'd known that feeling the best all her life. Loneliness and pain. Ever since he moved in she felt unsettled, it started with little things like reprimanding her for the music she listened to and the shows she liked to watch, but when he'd catch her staring at pictures of Dolly or watching a certain scenes of clueless to many times he hadn't left her alone. He'd call her a names she didn't understand at the time, scorned her for showing even a little interest in any female artist, or any girl for that matter claiming she was sinful and not of good Christian values. 

Most days were spent trying to avoid him and her mother but it was more often than not an exercise of futility. There was no question, she knew pain better than anything, but what she felt in this moment was somehow worse than the beatings she took, than the constant verbal abuse she got at school for being 'a little dyke weirdo'. 

She lay wrapped up in her sheets, her duvet pulled all the way up to her face as her hands crunched around it leaving creases in the linen. Her hair was tangled on the side she'd been laying on and she hadn't put makeup on in two weeks. She hadn't cried for almost three days though, which was progress to her at least. At first she'd felt numb, feeling her body slip into a state of shut down like she used to do when her stepdad would hit her, then it had transitioned into anger for a few days, at herself and Katya as she screamed into the pillow. Now for the last couple days though she'd been telling herself she was fine that she didn't need her anyway that she'd been here before and she would be just fine. 

Before she'd really woken up Kim paced into the room, sitting beside her where Katya used to be. "Good morning" she spoke Trixie groaning and sitting up. Kim had of course gotten worried when Trixie didn't show up to work, she tried calling but there was no answer. Finally she took it upon herself to go and see Trixie to make sure she was okay, however when she did find her knee deep in wine bottles and tissues she decided to stay and take care of her. The woman managed to coax out of her what happened and now she'd been with her for almost two whole weeks, she's seen it all before with Dela but this was on a much bigger scale.  
When she separated from Dela, she knew it had been coming for a while, the love had faded slowly between them and it just seemed inevitable, this though, it was like Katya had ripped her heart from her chest and squeezed snuffing out the light that shone so brightly. 

Trixie had seen Katyas text the day after, she'd said she wanted to talk and tell her what really happened but she never replied. She really didn't want details of how she'd even thought about kissing another girl. 

"How are you feeling?" Kim asked pulling the covers and tucking her in a little more. "I think I slept on my arm, it's a little achy but I'm fine" she said nonchalantly. Kim rolled her eyes at her dodging the real question and she gave her a look. "You know that's not what I meant, I mean how are you feeling?" She persisted Trixies face still calm. "Oh you mean about Katya, completely betraying my trust and practically inhaling another girls face five minutes after I left? Honestly, I'm fine. I've been here before, I've dealt with it and I know how it works" her tone was flat as she got up walking over to her closet. "You're fine?" Kim asked an eyebrow raised, watching her open the door. She paused in front of the clothes for a second seeing Katyas things mingled in with hers before pushing them aside and riffling through her own stuff. "Yep, I'm great Kimberly. Clearly she wasn't the girl I thought she was" her tone faltered slightly as she landed on her outfit picking out her dress and placing it down on the bed. Kim knew what she was doing, she was pushing her feelings down again so they wouldn't come bursting out, she was tightening the chains. "What?" She shot her a look Trixie widening her eyes in a face that showed her confusion. "You" she presented a finger before continuing. "are in denial". She'd heard that before, when this happened the first time Kim talked her through the stages of grief trying to find the best way to help her, she knew them all too well and she really wasn't in the mood for this. 

"No I'm not, you see Kim I'm in acceptance. I accept that she cheated on me, I accept that nothing good ever comes from love, and I accept that I don't need it" Trixies tone was firm as she went to try and find a towel for her shower. Kim let out a sigh, watching Trixie flutter around the bedroom at a rapid pace, she heard the tiny break at the end of her sentence and knew she was as teetering on a knife edge. She hated to do it, but she needed a push. She couldn't let her sit in this apartment any longer without at least trying to fix things, she knew how hurt she was and she would hate to see Trixie unhappy for the test of her life over something she could've salvaged. 

"But Trix, you can just ignore what happened and move on, you can't just walk away from this" Trixie felt her chest tighten the more she heard. Thoughts of Katya raced through her mind a million times a minute and were building up faster and faster until she finally burst with a sob. "WHY?..HUH WHY KIM? She walked away from me, she walked right up that apartment and kissed another girl while I was right downstairs. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? She was the one who ignored me, told me she loved me and then put her hands on someone else. I thought she was different, I thought she could be in a serious relationship" by this time she was heaving, tears rolling down her cheeks. So much for her keeping it together streak. "I know Trix, I know" Kim soothed bring her into her embrace and letting her fall onto her shoulder. "I love her so much" she cried Kim running a hand up and down her back. "I want her back, I shouldn't but I do. I want her to tell me she's sorry and that she does love me and it was a stupid mistake. I want her to want me again" her eyes were all red and puffy and her cheeks were tinged red and damp as Kim sat back down with her. 

"I think you should send her a message. Tell her you want to talk, and try and straighten things out. Even if you don't end up back together, you can get some kind of closure, find out why she did what she did" Kim offered. Trixie let out a deep breath sniffling. "I don't know she'll want to talk to me". 

"Well there's only one way to fine out. You gotta try Trix" she encouraged handing her her phone.

One of us is lonely, one of us is only waiting for a call.

For Katya the weeks after what happened were very different to Trixie's experience. After a couple of days of moping and sobbing not being able to move from the couch, she decided to throw herself completely into her work and give herself as many tasks as possible to fill her day. Any thought or stress that wasn't centred around Trixie was welcome, and she made sure to overcrowd her brain so much that she wouldn't have to think about her. This was useless of course she couldn't help it, she thought about it everyday at some time or another the twists of anxiety guilt and sadness lurking behind every notion of a thought. It would creep up on her at unexpected times, like last week when she saw a girl with the same pair of heels Trixie wore when they'd first met, or yesterday when a woman behind her on the phone uttered something that sounded like Katya, however when she turned around she was just talking to to daughter.

Today she was at work, knee deep in chiffon trying to find the right colour for the skirt of a new dress she was designing when her phone rang. At first she had just assumed it was Shea asking her why it was taking so long and to get her as back to the office, but when she saw Trixies name plastered actosss the screen her heart almost jumped out of her chest as if it was desperate not to feel pain again. She hadn't changed the contact picture, a dimly lit shot she'd taken of her whilst they were in bed, all messy hair and messy pyjamas, it reminded her of the picture she'd taken only minutes after, red lipstick marks on her neck and swollen lips. She briefly remembered thinking about the exact image when they'd met and smiled as she right about it being beautiful. "Hello? Trixie?" She spoke in a shakey voice. Trixie heart sped up hearing her name come from Katyas lips again. It had felt like everyone else was saying it an a foreign language before this, but when she said it she completely understood. "Hey" she replied a little awkwardly playing with the hem of her pyjamas on the other end. In the end she decided she could call instead of having to be in anticipation for her to answer, hearing her voice in real time was best. 

There was a brief silence filled with their breaths before Trixie spoke again. "Hey uh listen, I'm sorry I didn't answer your message. It was just a little soon I guess and I wasn't ready to face it, or you, but I really would like to talk to you and set things straight if you still want to. I just wanna know why, I want to be able to apologise to for whatever it is I did that made you feel like you had to go back to her". Her voice was quiet, but Katyas heart shattered at what seemed like a deafening rate. 

"Trix, you did nothing wrong I told you she-" Katya cut herself off as her voice broke and she took a breath. The idea that Trixie thought she'd done something wrong made guilt curdle in her blood. She couldn't break down and sob over the phone right now though, she couldn't fully explain everything without being face to face. "Um can I see you? I want to be able to explain in person" she asked her voice still a little shakey. "Sure. You wanna come over later?" She really wanted her be there now but she didn't want to push her and scare her away. "Of course, I'll be there around five if thats okay?" The younger blonde replied. "Yeah that's great. I'll see you then bye". 

"Bye" Katya spoke before the line went dead. It only caught her a couple of seconds after that that was the first time they'd ended a call in months without an I love you and it made her feel a little lost. Like she'd gotten to the last page of a book to find the last sentence rubbed out, the narrative wasn't complete.

Sorry for herself feeling stupid feeling small, wishing she'd had never left at all.

"Im proud of you Trix" Kim said as her phone fell in her lap. The blonde gave a nod before she finally got up and grabbed a towel, heading into the bathroom for a much needed shower desperate to wash a little of the stress away before Katya came over later. She hated that she felt so nervous, this was Katya, the girl who made her feel so comfortable that she felt like she could say anything. Now she was worried about every detail, what she would wear, how she would start off the conversation, would she offer her a drink? What happens if Katya realises she doesn't want her anymore and this only makes things worse?

She was putting her feelings on the line, exposing them after Katya had hurt them so deeply and giving her another opportunity damage them even more. But she had to know, she had to know what happened, and if there was even a small chance she still loved her. 

The woman thought about if she should've stayed and let her explain as the water ran down her back. Everything happened so fast between blurred glances and manic sobs that it triggered her fight or flight response, she didn't even give it a second thought before she ran away. The image of Katya stood in the middle of the road as she glanced back through the mirror still lingered in her mind. Was she telling the truth about violet, or did she make that up so she would get away with it? She knew all of her answers would be solved later on, but that didn't stop the anxiety starting to bubble up like the the shampoo she was lathering into her hair. She'd almost used Katyas by habit before she caught herself, she loved using it and being reminded of her during to the day, this time though it brought too much stress. 

After the shower, she changed and did her makeup doing each element so meticulously. This was so stressful, she didn't want to look like she was trying too much and Katya would think she was completely fine without her, but she didn't want to dress down too much and show her what kind of a mess she'd been over it. I'm the end she went with a simple dress and minimal makeup and started cleaning the house as a distraction before she could overthink. She insisted Kim go home and that she would call her later tonight to let her know what was going on. She'd cried again on her shoulder, not because she was sad about Katya but because she was so thankful to have a friend like that to take care of her before she left Trixie to prepare for Katays visit.


	8. I’ve been waiting for you

I, I don't know what you do. You make me think that you, possibly could release me.

Katya bounced on the balls of her feet as she stood outside of her car, a cigarette balanced between her lips as she flicked the lighter. She'd arrived fifteen minutes early and had sat in the car biting her nails for five, before she decided she needed a smoke to try and calm the nerves that threatened her chest. After tonight she'd know weather she would have Trixie by her side again or not, and it scared the shit out of her. She'd rehearsed over and over what she was going to say, how she was going to explain everything, going over each statement and fact to get it all straight so she wouldn't muddle anything and Trixie knew exactly what happened. The blonde couldn't even describe the way she felt about her, it was like nothing she'd experienced. It was rough and passionate, but tender and full of care all at the same time. She never knew weather to fall to her knees or bury herself in her chest, but as long as Trixie was there she always felt safe. Losing that was something she didn't know if she could really handle, she'd been through so much in such a short time and taking another blow to her tower of mental heath she'd meticulously built up brick by brick would send it crumbling down on top of her. 

White light flashed across her face as she cursed under her breath, damn lighter, she needed a new one. When she finally lit it, the end glowing a soft orange, she inhaled letting it fill her chest and the stillness wash over her. Smoking was always a way for her to escape, whatever was going in her head would disappear for a couple of seconds clouding the thoughts with smoke before she blew it away and it dissipated into the air. For a moment she worried that she shouldn't be smoking in the parking lot of such a fancy building, but no one seemed to give her a second glance so she carried on smoking until it filtered down and she stomped it under her boot into the pavement. She checked her phone one last time, quickly grabbed some gum and her body spray from the car before giving a quick spritz and popping the gum in her mouth. She knew Trixie didn't really like the smell of smoke, so she didn't want that to be the first thing she noticed. After tossing the spray back in her car she saw it was nearing the hour, her finger tapping against the side of the screen on her phone. Quickly composing her herself she shoved it into her back pocket and made her way up to Trixie's getting rid of the gum before she went in. It probably hadn't done much but it was something. 

"Hey" Trixies voice was low when she entered the apartment not being able to look her in the eyes as she walked them over to the couch. Katya replied in the same awkward tone and scanned her figure as she followed, she hadn't seen her in two weeks and it felt like a lifetime now, she couldn't quite believe she was right in front of her. She wanted to wrap her arms around her and tell her everything, but it was so awkward and difficult to put into words. 

The older blonde had decided in the end that she would offer her a drink, anything to try make this situation a little more bearable was definitely a good option. She watched Katya sit down and shuffle slightly on the couch, looking oddly uncomfortable as she placed her hands on her knees looking up with a half smile. It was so different to the times she'd come home and sink in to it with a pleasant sigh, often pulling Trixie along with her before they'd cuddle and watch Tv, it made Trixies heart hurt. "Do you want a drink?" The woman asked still looking towards the floor, she knew if she looked into her eyes she would break so she kept a safe distance for now. "Yeah sure" she replied Trixie pouring two glasses of wine that were set out of the coffee table before placing the glass next to her with a light touch. They both took a sip in unison, the only sound being the dryer spinning as it dried the laundry Trixie had washed whilst she was cleaning earlier and their swallows. 

"So umm-" Trixie started her voice a little cut off by the bitterness of the wine as it tightened her throat. "I missed you". Katya couldn't stop herself before Trixie continued, those words immediately formed on her lips as soon as she walked in and they finally blurted out. Trixie have gave a sad smile pushing her own hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear. "I missed you too" she reciprocated with a shakey breath. She took a moment to stop herself from crying again and began finally meeting Katyas eyes. "So I have a couple of questions" she told her watching Katyas gaze completely locked into hers. Her eyes were serious, more serious that she's ever seen them the blue hues glowing with determination. "Sure anything, I would never lie to you" she assured.   
"Is she gone?". 

Trixie had no idea what the girl had done once she left, maybe she'd gone back up to the apartment with Katya and finished what they started, maybe she was still there. "Yes of course. She was never really here in the first place, that was the first and last time I'd seen or spoken to her since she moved to California" . Trixie's eyes went wide with surprise. "So you haven't been seeing her whilst you were with me and that was the first time you've been with her?" She asked taking another sip after she's finished scared to hear the answer. 

Katya closed her eyes for a small second to compose her thoughts trying to get everything to make sense before she started explaining.   
"Yes, I didn't even know she was gonna be there. You dropped me off and I went back up to my apartment and she'd let herself in. Of course I panicked and I felt like I was so scared I couldn't move. She started saying how we should get back together and that she's back in New York and then you called me. She saw your name and our texts and she made fun of me, telling me you wouldn't love me if you saw who I really was and then she started to get angry. She said that she she wants me more than you ever could and then she grabbed me and told me she wanted me to have sex with her. I said no as much as I could and I tried to get her off but I couldn't, then she heard you at the door and she caught on and she kissed me so you would see on purpose. If she can't have me no one can, she's selfish like that". By the time she was finished she felt a tear roll down her cheek as she relived the night. She thought everything came out right, clear and concise like she'd wanted it to. Trixie stared as she processed the information trying to catch and analyse every fact and remark. "And that's the truth?" She asked her heart beating in her chest. If this was real, Katya never cheated on her and this had all been miss communication and assumptions, she felt terrible. 

"I swear that's the truth. I love you so much, I would never want to be with anyone else, especially her. All she does is hurt me, but you make me feel better than anyone ever has" Katya confessed. Just hearing the words I love you come out of her mouth had Trixies heart blooming and squeezing in her chest. The words of her story were still swimming around in her head until one particular thing she said floated to the top of her stream of thought.   
"What did you mean by seeing you for who you really are?". Katyas head felt heavy, she knew this was one thing they were going to have to talk about eventually but this was so terrifying it made her fingers numb. She lowered her head staring into the carpet afraid to look at even a micro expression in Trixie's face as she began to explain. "A few years back, whilst I was with Violet my anxiety was at all time high. I was having panic attacks at least once a day and I felt so low all the time, not long after that I was diagnosed with depression too. I was in such a dark place, trapped by her telling me that I was overreacting and that I was just being dramatic and one day I just couldn't take it anymore. She found me when she came back from work on the bathroom floor, I'd taken pills, didn't even know what at the time but it wasn't enough thankfully. She didn't even take me to a hospital, said the nurses would've thought I was crazy and locked me up for trying to kill myself" her breath was coming out in tightened huffs as her voice laced with despair. She'd been carrying that around for years now an it felt like a weight was lifted from her chest. She didn't think she would've ever been able to say that out loud and face someone's reaction, but Trixie meant the world to her and if she really wanted her she was going to have to tell her everything. No secrets. "No ones known about that until now, and she said that if you ever found out you wouldn't want me anymore because of how fucked up I am. I mean I wouldn't blame you" Katya shrugged her shoulders and played with her fingers as she kept her eyes low. She couldn't see her face but she heard Trixie sniffle and then her quiet voice. 

"Oh my god Kat. I'm so sorry I feel terrible I had no idea. God you must've thought I was such asshole leaving you without letting you really explain. I'm sorry, I'm just- fuck I'm so sorry, of course I love you I was just scared that you didn't love me back anymore, but now I feel so stupid" she cried running her hands over her face trying to hide the embarrassment. Her head felt heavy with shame, if she would've just given her a chance she they could've sorted this out, but instead she just added to Katyas pain and she felt like a monster. 

"No I..I should've come after you and tried harder. I should've told you about my past sooner but I was just scared, scared of exactly what Violet said. But that's what she's like, she knows how to pinpoint peoples weaknesses, especially mine. She manipulated that whole situation to hurt both of us" both of them sniffled beside each other trying to calm the situation so they could have a coherent conversation. "Well she's not gonna do that anymore, she's not gonna hurt you. And if she ever comes back here again I'll kick her ass" That made Katya giggle through her tears. Trixie's heart skipped a beat, she was so happy she could hear it again, that sound would never lose its lustre to her and she loved causing it. 

"I had no idea that all that was going on in your head, I'm so proud of you for overcoming it and getting out of there. And you know that if you ever start to feel like that again I'm here though okay? I'll always love you no matter what and I'll help you through it" Trixie nodded towards her finally brining their watery eyes back together. 

"That's the thing though. I haven't felt anxious or anything like that since I've been with you. You make me better" Katya nodded towards her feeling the tension completely thin out. Trixie wanted nothing more than to be near her again feel her breaths and stroke her hair. They needed each other. "Can I..can I hold you?" Trixie asked watching Katya smile and climb up onto her lap straddling her, wrapping her arms and legs around her like a child that needed protecting. The moment they fit together Trixie let out a breath into her hair, the warm feeling of Katays body on hers felt like she could breath again as she pulled her hips as close to her as possible and held onto her waist tightly. "I've missed you so much baby" Katya buried herself deeper into her hair at the name, desperate to drown herself in the honey coloured curls to and get lost, not ever finding her way out until they'd grown old together. "I missed you more than anything" she replied against her neck. Trixie shifted with Katya still in her lap so she could lay back flat on the couch, Katyas body on top on her not moving from her position wrapped around her. Trixie lay stroking through her hair feeling Katyas weight as her chest went up and down her eyes slipping closed at the familiar feeling that was almost lost. "Do you wanna stay here tonight?" She spoke into the silent air, she didn't want to move from this position, or ever not have Katya on her chest.   
"Yeah, trust me now I've got you back I'm not leaving" Katya chuckled making Trixie join in.   
"I'm glad to hear that because Im not letting go either" she tightened her grip on her waist brining another hand to run across her cheek as they both lay still in each other's embrace. 

Katya lay listening to her breaths, if she would've just explained it better they could've been doing this two weeks ago. "I'm sorry" she whispered her eyes still closed. "Katya you have nothing to be sorry about okay? It was just a misunderstanding, like you said violet was the one who manipulated the situation, she made you do things you didn't wanna do. I'm just glad that I showed up when I did, because if it would've gone any further I would be in jail for murder right now" she spoke those last words with a cold tone to them but it only made Katya wheeze into her chest more. "I love you" Katya whispered. "I love you too" she told her before they fell into silence again and they lay there limbs entangled.

I think you'll be able to, make all my dreams come true and you ease me.

The week following their rekindling of the relationship was spent a lot like those hours after they'd confessed, the two of them wanting to be near each other as much as possible. Both of them went back to work, Trixie mostly whilst Katya worked on her sketches as she finally got her motivation back and was inspired again. Trixie loved coming home to her deep in a creative flow, her head buried in her sketchbook. She would sit her on her lap and place light kisses into the back of her neck whilst she worked, hearing the occasional hum of either pleasure for Trixie or deliberation for her sketch. The balance seemed to be reset and the connection was restored as they adjusted their lives back to normal, well almost normal. 

Trixie made sure Katya knew how much she appreciated her at all times, holding her hand and giving her unannounced kisses in fleeting moments, however she'd still been nervous to take it any further than that. They'd made out in bed a couple of nights ago with Katya underneath her writhing on the sheets, but Trixie played it off like she was tired and instead insisted she hold her until they'd fell asleep to stop it going past a certain point. The last time someone touched Katya with that intent, it must've been traumatic for her, and Trixie didn't know if she was ready so soon. They'd talked about what happened, but Katya always seemed to skim over it. She wanted nothing more than to really show Katya how much she missed her, missed pleasuring her, but she was conflicted on what she wanted. 

When she'd woken to this morning however to what sounded like Katya grumbling, a light smile appeared on Trixies lips at the knowledge she was there. It had been a week of course but still waking up with her hadn't lost its touch. At first she'd thought Katya had woken up and was cold, as Trixie had a habit of stealing the covers during the night. Katya often complained about it and used it as an excuse to cuddle closer, but she was used to it by now, and she did often get hot sleeping anyway so maybe it wasn't that bad. She listened to her stirring ready for the lecture about the duvet, when the grumble melted in a very clear moan and Trixies eyes flew open in shock staring straight as her, her head still in the pillow. Katays eyes were still shut and she was clearly still asleep as the sound echoed through the room a little slurred once again this time making Trixies stomach twist. Katyas breaths were picked up as she continued to make the sweet muffled sound once more a little quieter and Trixie froze in her spot at the realisation of what was happening. She'd heard those noises before, caused them with her there in that very spot, there was no doubt what she was dreaming about and what came next only confirmed her suspicions. "Please". She half mumbled half whined. Trixie didn't think she heard it right at first, but when she said it again and even added her name a smirk appeared on the older woman's face. She didn't know she talked in her sleep, imagined if she did she would've thought it was kind of annoying but this particular instance there were no complaints at all. 

Katya was dreaming about her, and not just a regular dream it seemed. Trixies insides started to burn and her core started to flutter at the thought of Katya all worked up, even in a dream. Maybe she did in fact want Trixie to touch her again just as much as she wanted her. "Mphfaster...mama" a shock of arousal went straight to Trixie's cunt at that. Katya had never called her that before, never actually discussed it even, but as the name fell from her lips Trixie had to hold back a moan. The older blonde slid a hand down to her sleep shorts, feeling a wet patch starting to form when she glanced over to her phone showing the time. She wanted nothing more than to wake Katya up and make her dreams a reality but she had to get up for work and take a shower, probably a cold one now with how hot she realised she got. Katya seemed to have stopped now anyway fell backwards into a deeper sleep, maybe she would ask about it when she woke up, see if she remembered. 

You thrill me you delight me, you please me you excite me you're all that I've been yearning for. 

The muscles in Katyas thighs clenched as her fingernails dug into the sheets, choking the purple fabric on Trixies mattress. Moans echoed through the dim lit red room in time with Trixie's thrusts as she pushed a third finger deep inside her again picking up her pace. "Trixie fuck don't stop" the younger blonde whined her hips frantically pushing up trying to meet her girlfriends movements and take as much of her as she could in order to chase her orgasm only to be restrained by a hand on her hip. The knot in her stomach became tighter and tighter as sweat dripped from her forehead, the woman feeling her euphoria racing towards her like a fright train ready to crash straight over her and reduce her to a pile of ecstasy.

Looking down she met Trixies deep brown, almost black eyes burning into her as she watched the blonde come apart beneath her with determined eyes. The eye contact only seemed to fuel Trixie even more as she moved her lips from her clit and spoke still fucking her at a brutal pace. "Look at you whore, you like this huh? You like being my greedy little cum slut Katya?" When she didn't reply, too swept up in the feeling of her walls tightening around Trixie's fingers Trixie let out a deep laugh and fucked her even harder coaxing a shout from her chest . "Pathetic hm, can't even use your words now it feels so good". Katyas wetness dampened the sheet, creating a deep purple patch as Trixie carried on placing kisses into her inner thighs her eyes still trained on Katyas face as her eyes rolled back and her lips fell into a light smile. "Mama please, I need to" Katyas breaths were strangled as words finally came out and a hand flew to Trixie's hair trying to steady herself as her back arched. "Trixieee mamaa please I need to fuck I wanna come, can I come?” she moaned unsure if she could hold it with how much pressure had built up. 

Before Trixie could grant her a response however Katya heard a loud bang that seemed to come from no specific place but everywhere all at once and the world around her seemed to fade out slowly the image of them both disappearing and melting around her. 

When she gained consciousness again and knew what was happening, she panted into her pillow the world now seeming more clear around her. It was light in Trixies bedroom instead of the dim lit red tint that came with her dream world and instead of being naked with Trixie's head between her legs, she was wrapped up in the duvet clinging onto a the bed so hard her knuckles were turning white. Her breaths were still coming out it short puffs and her face was red and tinted with sweat as she caught her bearings finally opening her eyes. For a moment she panicked, worried that she had been talking in her sleep, she was known to do that sometimes, and with how vivid the dream seemed she was almost sure she must've been moaning into the silence of the room. Turning over however, feeling the wetness between her thighs, she realised Trixie wasn't there and clocked the sound of the shower down the hall. She must've opted to use that one in fear of waking Katya up with the one in their en suite, and for a moment the consideration warmed Katyas heart but then it melted into relief when she realised Trixies couldn't of heard her dreaming.

A few seconds later the water was turned off and Trixie strolled into the bedroom loosely wrapped in a towel, Katyas eyes flying to the exposed skin. Trixie didn't even realise Katya was awake for a second as she dropped the towel in front of her underwear draw and pulled out a pretty pair of panties. However when she heard shuffling behind her and turned around, pulling them all the way up she glanced towards Katya still half naked with a smile. Kaya let out a breath through her nose as she caught the full sight of Trixie's beautiful body, having to bite her lip to stop a whine coming out just like she'd done in the dream. It already had her worked up and now Trixie was stood in front of her wearing basically nothing as she stared down at her girlfriend and that made her want to cry. Her toes clenched and she felt a flutter in her lower stomach as Trixie padded her way over to her, climbing up beside her. "I'm sorry did I wake you? I dropped the shampoo bottle but I didn't think it was that loud" she told her placing a kiss onto her forehead detecting the sweat and becoming concerned. "Are you okay? You're a little hot, are you getting sick sweetheart?" Her voice was like silk and she had to side the smirk, but Katya couldn't focus on anything other than her heavy breasts pushing against her arm as she checked her.

"N- no I'm fine" she replied in a shakey breath, shuffling to sit up, her cheeks reddening even more at how slippery her thighs were as she shifted. Trixie was silent for a moment as she ran a hand over Katyas shoulder up in to her hair and then back. Trixie took a breath and looked towards Katya, who's eyes drifted to the sheets. "You know you talk in your sleep" she spoke finally, a smirk appearing on her lips. Katya stayed silent as the realisation she must've heard her after all set in and her whole face turned a shade of pink in embarrassment. "You woke me up. Seemed like you were having quite a dream. Even got me so worked up I had to take a cold shower this morning" she carried on reprimanding her as Katya hung her head. "I..I" was all she could get out she was so embarrassed, the her stomach clenching as she could feel herself leaking into her panties again at Trixie's confession. "You called me Mama" she interrupted Katya feeling her stomach drop further as she spoke. "Is that what turns you on, being my baby girl? Calling me mama?" Trixie taunts Katya not daring to answer, this whole situation was so humiliating and Trixie staring her down was only making the problem between her legs grow. "Answer me" she ordered putting a hand on her cheek and forcing her eyes to meet her own. Katya nodded softly and let out a soft 'yes' watching Trixies lips turn up more at her submission. 

She felt her other hand slide under the covers before she reached where Katya was wet and brushed a finger over her panties, causing an instant whine from Katya as she widened her eyes pleading for more. "Please" she let out her hips snapping uncontrollably before Trixie stilled her with a shush. "Wow must've been a good dream, you're soaked baby. You want mama to help you huh?". Katya immediately nodded her hands becoming restless and Trixie pulled her hand way. She wanted to touch Trixie, she hated that she was right there in front of her almost completely naked but couldn't do anything about it, it made her skin tingle. She just wanted Trixie to push her down and fuck her good and hard like she'd been longing for. 

"Well that's too bad. I've gotta to work. But if you're a good girl and you wait until I get home we can have some fun then okay? You think you can wait to come until I get home?" She asks Katya now burying her face in her chest as tears welled up in her eyes. "Noo" she whined her hips shifting with the throbbing between her legs becoming too much. Trixie had made it even worse, built it up on purpose just to leave her here all day to think about it before she would do anything. She wanted to scream. "No? So you want it now? Well baby if you come now we won't get to do all the fun things I've got planned for tonight, but it's your choice" the woman told her Katya pulling back and wiping her frustrated tears. "I can wait" she whispered leaning into Trixies touch as she ran the pad of her thumb over her cheek to wipe away her tears. "Yeah?" She questioned before Katya gave a final nod sniffling. "There's my good girl. Alright baby I'm gonna get dressed and we can have breakfast, I'll turn the shower on for you. But remember no touching yourself, if I find out you've come before tonight they'll be consequences do you understand?".   
"Yes mama" she responded Trixie smiling and planting a kiss on her lips before getting up and going to turn on the water.


	9. Voulez-vous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little pang of nervousness ran through her for a small second. It was true she'd never felt more safe and happy with the older blonde, but this wasn't just a regular occurrence when they would spend the night together anymore, this hadn't happened it what felt like forever and she was worried it wouldn't be the same. It was ridiculous of course, everything else was back to the way it was, even this morning she felt like none of it had ever happened but she still couldn't shake the anticipation building up.

People everywhere a sense of expectation hangin' in the air. Givin' out a spark across the room your eyes are glowin' in the dark. 

Katya had gotten ready just as Trixie had told her around half an hour before she was supposed to come home. She knew she would be punished by the tone of Trixie's voice on the phone this afternoon, but she decided she had to do something about the state Trixie left her in early that morning. Katya had called her on her lunch break with her fingers inside herself moaning for Trixie to come back, wanting her to picture her beautiful girlfriend spread out on their bed and be able to do nothing about it. It was her way of payback for the stunt she pulled this morning, however now she'd broken their rule, she knew she wouldn't get off lightly. 

The little blonde meticulously picked out a beautiful lacey set of underwear, complete with a garter belt and thigh highs just to see the look on Trixie's face when she walked through the door. Usually she wore underwear like this all the time, but in the two weeks she was away from her counterpart she brushed over thongs and deep plunging bras and swapped them out for the plain options. Wearing that kind of underwear had always made her feel strong and positive about herself, even if no one would see it. Maybe it was dumb, but she'd heard of people wearing makeup as a mask of confidence, the symbol that allowed them to be themselves and feel like they could do anything, for her it was pretty underwear. It made her feel sexy, sure of herself and her appearance but since Trixie left it felt wrong to put it on, so now she was stood in front of the full length mirror feeling like her complete self again, a smile spread across her face as she admired the lace. 

Her hair was freshly washed and curled falling down her shoulders and resting just below the clasp of her bra as she fluffed and swished it trying to give it as much volume as possible. Trixie always loved to pull on it, or run her fingers through it in more tender moments and it always made Katyas skin heat up and goosebumps bloom, so she made sure each little strand was perfect so she just couldn't resist. 

A little pang of nervousness ran through her for a small second. It was true she'd never felt more safe and happy with the older blonde, but this wasn't just a regular occurrence when they would spend the night together anymore, this hadn't happened it what felt like forever and she was worried it wouldn't be the same. It was ridiculous of course, everything else was back to the way it was, even this morning she felt like none of it had ever happened but she still couldn't shake the anticipation building up. 

When Trixie did finally walk through the door however, placing her bag down on the kitchen counter before entering the bedroom to find Katya still in the mirror, looking like an Angel in red all of her fears melted away. The little blonde caught Trixies eyes as she stopped behind her, feeling her place hands light on her shoulders, the air in the room going silent. Katya immediately sucked in, feeling Trixie's hot breath on her neck as she continued to rake her eyes over the expanse of Katyas body in the reflection. She bit her lip at the thought it was well worth the extra effort with how hungry she looked already and the way her eyes melted over her skin. "You look beautiful" she whispered, her fingertips tracing the waistband of her thong and sliding down to ping the top of her thigh highs.

Katyas breathing was heavy as she leaned back into Trixie's touch as the woman moved her hair to one side, and leaned over holding her tightly around her waist. Katyas blue eyes watched Trixie's in the mirror scan over her neck as if she was calculating the perfect spot before attaching her lips. Her head involuntarily rolled to one side and her eyes slipped shut as Trixie sucked and kissed making a small whine escape from Katyas throat before she spoke again. "I missed you" she whispered against the shell of her ear. Even though there was so much tension the air itself felt crisp, like she was walking across crunchy leaves in Central Park in the early morning of August, the genuine tenderness behind that statement caused Katyas skin to tingle. It was her ability to be so commanding, have Katya frozen on the spot but also fill her with such meaningful confessions that Katya knew she loved her, no one else had ever been able to make her feel like that. "I missed you too" she uttered back now looking at Trixie directly her pupils blown out. "Oh I know, that was made clear by that little stunt you pulled this afternoon. That was a really slutty thing to do Kat wasn't it?". And just like that, her softness was broken as she held onto her hips tighter and pulled her back, her ass pushing into Trixie's front.

Katya lowered her head and nodded slightly, shame washing over her as Trixie ridiculed her. "Use your words" she pushed still holding the grip on her hip making it increasingly hard to Katya to fight the urge to grind against her. "Yes" Katya spoke earning a sly smile from Trixie who then stepped back when she got her answer, causing Katya to already miss the warmth her body provided. "Do you want to tell me why you thought it was a good idea to bend my rules?" Katya knew it wasn't a question, more of a demand to explain herself. Her feet shuffled on the carpet as she watched Trixie sit on the bed across from her and fold one leg over the other. "I..you left me so wet this morning I just.." she couldn't bring herself to explain the second part it sounded so childish, luckily Trixie finished for her with a smirk across her lips. "And you thought you'd try and give me a taste of my own medicine. huh cute" Katya played with her fingers as she brought her eyes even lower as Trixie continued. "You wanted me to hear you moaning and picture you touching yourself so I would be left to think about it until I got home as payback" her voice was lower now and Katya could feel it in her cunt, the throbbing only made worse by how she now got up and made her way back towards her. The little blonde couldn't say anything. Her cheeks were stained a deep shade of red and her chest was rising and falling as a rapid speed. "Well since your were so confident on the phone earlier, I've decided you're going show me instead" Trixie stated walking in front of her this time and running the back of her hand over her cheek. "On your knees" she ordered Katya immediately sinking down as Trixie walked around her again slowly unbuttoning her shirt before slipping her skirt and heels of. Katya stole glances in the reflection feeling how wet she already was with how her thighs pushed together. Trixie fluffed her hair arching her back, moaning slightly as it cracked and her muscles relaxed, deliberately showing Katya what she can't touch as she sat on the floor in front of the mirror waiting. 

After what Trixie deemed the right amount of teasing she sunk down behind Katya, her knees bracketing her hips. She was easily taller and her eyes burned into the blue of Katyas over her shoulder in the mirror as she snaked a hand around her waist and spread her legs to match Trixie's position. Bringing her hand lower, Katya had to take a deep breath in to stop her hips jerking as she ran her fingers over the soaked fabric laughing lowly at how worked up she was. She rubbed a few circles into her until Katya started to whine and move her hips, before abruptly pulled back sticking the fingers into her own mouth, her eyes still locked to Katyas. 

"Touch me" the younger breathed getting more impatient by the moment. "No no, I told you princess you're going to show me what you were doing on the phone earlier since you wanted me to picture it so much" she reminded pinging the waistband of Katyas thong and patting her hip in a signal to stand up. She let her slip the material all the way down, giving her a perfect view of her ass before she settled back down leaning back into Trixie. The woman picked one of Katyas hands and bringing it down to her centre before she urged to to start. "Color" Trixie whispered as Katya began to touch herself. "Green" she replied in a half whine. She was so worked up already it wasn't long before the wetness started to drip onto the floor beneath them. 

Katya rubbed circles into herself her eyes locked onto Trixies as she mumbled unintelligibly before pushing two fingers into herself. The blonde let out a breath as she felt the pressure and started bouncing on her fingers instinctively her eyes not wavering from looking into Trixies. Trixie kept her grip on her waist guiding her up and down revelling in the beautiful faces she was making and she music coming from her throat as she placed the occasional kiss on her neck. "That's it baby. Is this what you were doing whilst I wasn't here?" . Katya whined and nodded reluctantly as she kept her pace her curls bouncing on her shoulders. Clearly her effort teasing it to perfection worked because Trixie soon slipped her fingers between the strands and pulled, exposing the length of her neck as she let out a gasp. 

The pressure in Katyas stomach built up relentlessly as she carried on fucking herself under Trixies scrutiny before she found herself on the edge. Her moans became higher and her hips started to grind down more furiously. "Look at yourself Kat. You're pathetic". Trixie whispered bringing her hand up to Katyas chest and sqeezing. She'd had seen Katya in this state enough times to know she was close and then reached down to pull her hand away to replace it with her own. This sent Katya into an even louder stream of moans as Trixie pushed into her watching her red tinted cheeks glow. "I'm close. Trixie fuck I'm so close please. I need to- Fuck please" Katya pushed out arching her back into the woman behind her. 

The older blonde didn't respond. At the moment she was about to break though she pulled her fingers out causing a frantic whine to rip from Katyas chest. "Trixieee". Katyas voice sounded completely wrecked already, and the fact she'd barely started made a proud smile appear on her lips. "What did I tell you about consequences" Katya collapsed back into Trixie's arms tears welling in her eyes as she was denied. "Please" her voice broke as she sobbed. "No baby that was your punishment for teasing me and disobeying me. Now get up, on the bed" with that Katya stood up on shakey legs and climbed onto the mattress,settling on her knees. "Do you think you can be good now so we can do the things I originally planned?" The woman asked now towering over her a hand placed on her cheek. "I can be good I promise". Katya keened to her touch and nodded sniffling as she watched Trixie walk over to their wardrobe to retrieve a box. 

And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end masters of the scene. We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more, you know what I mean. 

Katya had seen this box too many times not to know exactly what Trixie had planned and the moment she pulled out the silk ties she laid back on the bed raising her arms. "Eager aren't we" Trixie chuckled climbing over her and settling on her hips. The older blonde took her wrists and expertly tied them, pulling tight to make sure they were secure before placing them back above her head. Katya stared up at her, her chest pushing up a little as her breaths became more shallow pulling a lip between her teeth. 

"Colour baby" she breathed before getting the confirmation she needed and placing kisses into katyas neck with a low groan now their bodies fit together. Attaching her lips to the soft skin, Katya let out a moan as Trixie left marks, sucking on her sweet spot behind her ear before starting to trail down her body slowly. The younger blonde writhed beneath her, beads of sweat forming on her chest with how much Trixie had turned her on feeling the blood thrum through every vein in her body. The lower Trixie got the more Katya whined, desperate to have to where she needed her trying not to raise her hips knowing it would only make Trixie make her wait longer. "You're so beautiful" Trixie whispered against her hip before pulling back and reaching over to the box once again. Katya followed movements and watched her pull out a red vibrator, even the sight of it causing a twist of arousal to spike in her stomach. A smirk appeared on Trixies swollen lips at her reaction before she once again climbed over Katya, hovering above her and slipping the vibrator to her centre. Anticipation ran through the girl beneath her, feeling the silicone against her making her breath in before she'd even turned it on. 

Just before Katya could let out a whine to encourage her to get on with it however,Trixie started straight into her eyes turned it on watching how all of her breath left her chest. The low hum filled the room along with Katyas moans as she held it against her leaning down to kiss her lips that were in a permanent light smile with how good it felt. "Fuck, oh my god" Katya let out into Trixies mouth the pressure starting to build in her stomach. Trixie smiled into the kiss, proud that she could so easily bring her into euphoria. She'd missed this so much, watching all of Katays facial expressions and hearing every noise she made whilst Trixie kissed her endlessly, it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever witnessed and being without it for even three weeks felt like an eternity. 

"Good girl. Does that feel good Kat?" She teased pushing the toy into her even further dulling the noise slightly. "Mhmmm it feel so good. Can..can I..I need your fingers" she yelped her eyes scrunching shut as she tried to control her breathing enough to speak. "You want my fingers baby girl?" Trixie carried on teasing, now sitting up and making her way down the bed still holding the toy against Katya. She ran a finger over her opening, eyeing how wet she was and how much she struggled to keep her hips still with a smirk. The younger blonde whined as she felt Trixie's feather touch and her hands balled up into fists above her head. 

"Trixie please" she begged tears brimming once again as she felt her self getting closer. With that the blonde pushed two fingers in and Katya almost screamed at the sensation. Her whole body was on fire as her chest rose and fell, sweet dripping from her forehead making stands of her hair stick to it. Trixie felt her tighten and added a third finger pounding into her still holding the vibrator steady. The whole world blurred in Katyas vision as she kicked her legs a little looking down to meet Trixies expression whos eyes were burning into her. The desperate look on Katays face told her everything she needed to know and she curled her fingers up, finally hitting the spot that she knew made her see stars. "Fuck fuck I..I'm gonna please I'm gonna cum mama" she shouted right on the edge. "That's it sweetheart cum for me, cum for your mama". Barely seconds after the words left her Katya let go and soaked Trixie's hand as she climaxed. Trixie let her ride it out as she convulsed and moaned before turning off the vibrator and throwing it to the side pulling her fingers out.

The woman leaned into her to lick her clean before diving in again, flicking her tongue over her swollen clit. "T- Trix I can't. Too much" her voice sounded completely wrecked as her hands flew to Trixie's hair her hips snapping at the overstimulation. "You seemed so desperate to cum earlier baby, you forgot who was in charge. You're mine and I'm not done playing with you. You're gonna cum again understand? Don't you wanna be good for mama?" She asked running a finger over her clit making Katya hiss and nod in spite of herself. "Good girl come here" she gestured to Katyas wrists before untying the silks and shifting her back to rest against the headboard. 

Once she was settled Trixie dove back in and immediately brought her to the edge once again brining her through her second orgasm of the night Katyas legs clamped around her head. 

The both of them fell asleep not an hour later, completely spent and sweaty Katya buried in Trixies chest, it finally feeling like things were back in place. 

——-

Voulez-vous ain't no big decision. You know what to do, la question c'est voulez-vous. 

Many nights after that were spent similar to that one. Trixie coming home to find Katya in her underwear, sometimes on her knees other times splayed out on the couch or the bed ready for the taking. Trixie would immediately peel off her own clothes and ravish her until they passed out sweaty in between the sheets in the late hours of the morning before she had to get up for work and then come home and do it all over again.

They'd finally settled back into their normal lives, going out on dates not being able to keep their hands off each other and constantly stealing knowing glances. Even if Trixie had had a hard day at work she'd come home to Katyas silky blonde hair and inviting smile and she just couldn't help it, she was pulling her in with every passing day. 

Tonight though, both of them were sat on the couch Trixie staring more into space than at the movie playing or the food in her lap with a blank expression. Katya hadn't noticed at first, she had just thought she was a little tense from work and needed to relax, but when she'd payed absolutely no attention to the meal she prepared and slumped down into the cushions Katya immediately detected something was wrong. "Don't you like it?" The little blonde asked, pulling her out of her trance like state and catching her eyes for a moment gesturing down to the plate on her lap. "No it's great, I'm just not that hungry" she told her placing it onto the coffee table before returning back into her previous position pretending to watch tv. 

Trixie mumbled in a flat tone, something that was very uncommon for her when she spoke to Katya. She didn't even make eye contact. Katya hated seeing her like this and it made it even worse she didn't know why. Growing up she'd was always been good at reading people, especially people she cared about. So now with Trixie, she could detect even the slightest change of body language that showed she was upset and she was definitely getting that right now. 

The awkward silence even carried on all the way until they were in bed laying opposite each other under the covers. Trixie had barely uttered a word as she was getting ready, washing her face and putting her pyjamas on in complete bleakness. Even when katya would speak she just got a short answer or unintelligible hmm. On a normal day she'd be telling Katya another story in great detail about how Kim was being bossy but she held her own, or how Chloe from catering had cheated on her husband again and this time she was sure he knew about it, but right now all that could be heard was her laboured breaths. 

They lay there for a few minutes before she couldn't take it anymore and she decided to do finally try and do something, anything, about the tension. An idea flickered in her head along with a smirk on her face as her eyes lit up.The blonde pulled off the covers and crawled slowly towards her, ass up in the air and into her lap that same smirk painted in her lips as she settled on her hips wiggling a little. She in no way meant to be narcissistic but if there was one thing she knew always cheered her up, it was getting to play with Katya so maybe this would help her feel better. "You look stressed" She told her bringing a hand to brush hair away from Trixie's face. Now that she had the space, Katya leant towards towards her ear running a hand up her side under her shirt with a hum feeling the softness of her skin. "Want me to help you relax?" She whispered before finally pressing gentle kisses into her neck. Instead of melting to her touch and being desperate to reciprocate like she usually was, Trixie just placed a hand on her shoulder and brought her back up to look her in the eyes. 

Confusion was laced in the blue of the youngers as she was stopped and Trixie let out a deep breath. "I'm okay. Not tonight babe" she uttered patting her ass to try and shift her off. "No you're not okay don't lie to me, come on let me make you feel better. Play with me" she persisted leaning in once more. She knew for definite she was agitated for some reason and she was desperate to help calm her. Her determination only caused Trixie to become more frustrated though as she pulled her back once again with a hardened expression. "No Kat, I said no okay?" the woman raised her voice before Katyas eyes widened and her face fell along with her stomach. She'd never told her she didn't want her before , and it set anxiety in her chest. "Fine. Whatever" she shot back climbing off of her and flicking the light off before slamming her head heavy back against the pillow. 

Katya couldn't decide weather she wanted to start an argument or cry. They'd said no more secrets after what happened with Violet, and now Trixie was being cold and distant with her and she had no idea why. Before she could decide though, she heard Trixie's voice cut through the pitch black of the room. "Kat?". 

"What?" She replied still facing away from her, fingers picking at the corner of her pillow anxiously. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Can we cuddle? Please" Katyas lips turned up at that. Maybe she realised she was overreacting and had gotten over whatever it was that seemed to be bothering her now she seemed to want her again. "Hmm that depends, can I get a kiss?" She asked playfully still not moving. "Of course" she replied her voice a little shakey. "Oh I'm still not sure can we" suddenly she was cut off by a light sob and Trixie's watery voice. "Please baby girl, I need you" the woman stumbled causing Katya to whip her head around before flicking the lamp back on, now seeing Trixie's tear stained cheeks. 

She'd kept it together this whole night, told herself it wasn't a big deal. Why would it be they hadn't spoken in years. Turns out she couldn't keep it together anymore though, and with the fact she just unnecessarily pushed her girlfriend away, thought of losing someone else flung her over the edge. "What's wrong?" Katya asked crawling into her arms and laying her head on her chest feeling her heart beat fast through her shirt. The feeling of wrapping her arms around her small frame made Trixie feel more comforted instantly as she pulled her in as close as she could before she explained. "I uh, I got some news that this girl in knew in college died today. Mildred White. Actually it was Millie, she always hated Mildred. We hadn't spoken in years but we used be close. We took singing lessons together, made fun of Mr Donoghue for his ridiculous beard. God she had a great voice, it's a shame she never made it big. She had a family, husband and kids and I didn't even know" Trixie just carried on as new things she remembered about her poured out. Katya didn't respond, she just listened and ran a hand over her forearm as she continued. " It just got me thinking it's crazy how we can be so close to people and just like that you could lose touch and they can be gone without you getting a chance to say goodbye". 

"I'm sorry Trix, she sounded wonderful. Do you know when the funeral is?" Katya asked in a soft voice. "Friday. I think I'm gonna go say goodbye. They're having in back in Chicago where she grew up. She always told me she wanted to move back there when she got older, guess she'll never get to now" Trixie continued to cry the tears falling onto the pillow as she held onto Katya tighter. "Do you want me to come with you?" Trixie just nodded and they fell back into silence again. Thoughts ran through Trixie's head about Millie and her college years, she thought more about how she could've kept in touch, or cancelled her gig to go to her wedding, it occurred to her she didn't even know her kids names. 

"Move in with me" Trixie spoke suddenly prompting Katya to lift her head and stare into her eyes. "What?" Katyas voice was surprised at her sudden proposition but she kept as calm as she could. "Baby, move in with me. What if something would've happened to you when we weren't talking and I never got to see you again, what if something would've happened to me and you wouldn't been left without telling me what really happened. I wanna be able to always tell you good morning and goodnight, I wanna come home every day and make sure you know how much I love you. I need to lay here like this every night and not be scared I might lose you. Move in". Katya looked dumbfounded but she quickly shut her mouth and lurched forward to press hard kisses into her lips. "Yes I'll move In with you"she smiled between kisses.


End file.
